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Xiccarph t1_ixvreqk wrote

You won't beat a healthy adult chimp in a straight up fight, American, Brit, or whatever.

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popesandusky t1_ixw9xdc wrote

Not a zoologist, but that sounds wrong. A quick google search shows a chimp is about 1.5 times as strong as human of similar bodyweight. An adult male chimp ranges from 90-130 pounds.

Running with the high end, that means equivalent strength of a 195 pound human. That’s about how much i weigh standing at 6’2. Mind you, we ran with the high end for a chimp. They trade several feet in reach advantage for a dangerous bite. I think i could totally knock a chimp out with a head kick before it could bite me 🤷‍♂️

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Xiccarph t1_ixwcbuu wrote

Have you ever heard of a human beating a chimp in a straight fight? Yet there are many news articles about chimps maiming and killing humans. They will bite your face off, twist off your feet, hands, and privates and seriously mess you up. They fight to survive in the wild and among their own kind regularly. Chimps are not to be messed with without the advantage of numbers or weapons or they are sedated. Ask a zoo keeper about them.

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popesandusky t1_ixwhf0j wrote

No, but ive also never heard about sane people biting the face off crackheads. That doesnt mean crackheads possess some superhuman fighting ability, or that normal people couldnt bite the face off crackheads.

Are the lack of stories of humans killing chimps in unarmed combat because they couldn’t, or because thats just not something normal humans do?

Recall hearing a zookeeper on a podcast a while back mention he was once attacked by an adolescent chimp and he “beat it” enough for it to stop trying to attack him. But #1 who knows if thats true and #2 even if so it was claimed to be an adolescent

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Xiccarph t1_ixwnz4k wrote

Never having faced a chimp myself I can only related what I have read about, and I have read enough to convince me that I would not attempt to fight a chimp and would discourage anyone attempting to do so. If you decide to go for it let us know how it turns out for you.

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Grease__ t1_ixwci0v wrote

I think a chimp would annihilate you bro. I think you vastly underestimate how feral wild apes are. Your head kick won’t do shit. I would vote an adult chimp would fuck up Dwayne Johnson too. And he bigger than you.

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popesandusky t1_ixwfnfd wrote

Entirely possible lol this is outside my area of expertise so i dont know shit. But it raises an interesting question, above average sized chimp versus someone like francis ngannou or mike tyson. I have a real tough time giving the definitive advantage to the chimp.

Are their skulls vastly more resistant to impacts than ours?

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gangaikondachola t1_ixwht1b wrote

Idk about their skulls but their necks are much more robust than ours by nature. They’re more compactly built, so knocking them out like human boxers traditionally do would not be as easy as you may imagine.

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puffnstuff272 t1_ixy1uvl wrote

Chimps can charge you at 25mph, it doesnt matter who you are a 130lbs of muscle will knock you flat on your ass at that speed. After that the fight is a grapple and Human Fighters dont stand a chance since they have every advantage.

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jvcreddit t1_ixxp2l2 wrote

Chimps effectively have four hands, fingernails like knives and large sharp teeth. A chimp will bite off your fingers and tear off your testicles before you land that knockout punch.

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A_Lime42 t1_ixvrhuz wrote

Idk if Bruce Lee would even beat a chimp.

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malevshh t1_ixw0t9a wrote

No chance. We don’t really have natural weapons, so chimps with their muscles and teeth would just rek us.

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A_Lime42 t1_ixw33wn wrote

i think maybe if we watched like 200 people try to fight a chimp, maybe we could come up with a strategy to fight it and win. Not saying it would be a fool proof strategy, but we are much more intelligent and i bet we could find a way through trial and error. 190 out of the 200 would die BTW.

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mmarollo t1_ixx9n62 wrote

So under 70% of Brits think they can beat a rat in a fight. Their ancestors took on the Luftwaffe without batting an eye. What hell happened?

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beene282 t1_ixzbses wrote

Barely half think they could take a goose…

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SnowOnVenus t1_iy81x5p wrote

They didn't take on the luftwaffe unarmed, to be fair. I wonder what it'd look like if another entry was a Brit/American (whatever they were not).

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please_PM_ur_bewbs t1_ixvpvbu wrote

Who are these idiots who think they can beat a goose? Americans in particular should know better.

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BaalHammonBePraised t1_ixw3btz wrote

Any adult can easily beat a goose

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skippyjifluvr t1_ixw9a2k wrote

For real. If this is a fight to the death you know I’m going to beat a rat, cat, goose, dog, and an eagle. Maybe a cobra too. The other ones are probably going to be pretty tough.

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TheBirminghamBear t1_iy2iyfc wrote

I mean an eagle has one good shot and then its in arms range, and after that it looses. Maybe it gets in a good hit raking someone's face or arms with its talons, but as soon as it gets in close, that's game over. Just a massive weight differential working against it.

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BaalHammonBePraised t1_ixwnvm3 wrote

I thought I could beat a king cobra too. But apparently one bite contains enough venom to kill 20 people, or an elephant. So running away is winning here lol

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skippyjifluvr t1_ixwttzy wrote

For sure. But if you can’t run I think you’d have a 50/50 chance of killing it. I wouldn’t bet my life on it, but if I had no choice I think it would be a fair fight.

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gonnathr0wthisaway2 t1_iy6ootv wrote

Even a child could beat a goose. Their bones are easily broken as they have to be light for flight, and their necks are very easily wringable. Even a small child could choke one in a fight to the death.

Now of course, in the real world we'd all rather just run away than fight a goose to the death. But if in some fantasy scenario you had to, you are not losing.

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Crimfresh t1_iy5gpxg wrote

A medium dog is more dangerous by far. Dogs can kill people. Never read about someone dying from a goose attack.

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TheBirminghamBear t1_iy2iupo wrote

Who are the 10 - 20% that think they can beat a gorilla.

No one who has seen a gorilla is going to believe that they can beat a gorilla in unarmed combat.

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DrPocketSand t1_ixwchv7 wrote

Ask Canadians to give another layer of perspective.

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jrystrawman t1_ixycfrr wrote

I'd be particularly interested on the "goose" question.

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1whiskeyneat t1_ixxiffx wrote

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey.

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imacatnamedsteve t1_ixyj2x3 wrote

Okay, now ask the Australians. I’m sure you’d get some rather different numbers.

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bob-theknob t1_ixz5oj6 wrote

Which idiot thinks he can beat an elephant in a fight?

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Mysterious-Art7143 t1_iy0f5es wrote

Or a lion, or a gorilla or a bear.. and why is a fucking bear under the elephant anyway

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Mysterious-Art7143 t1_iy0fho9 wrote

Also wolf stands there like an easy pickings almost. Have they ever seen a damn wolf before? This is shocking.

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bob-theknob t1_iy0k3uh wrote

I think a Tanky human has a higher chance against a wolf than a chimp

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Mysterious-Art7143 t1_iy3xz3l wrote

Doubt that, while no doubt a human is fucked either way, in a fight between a wolf and a chimp, my money is on the wolf, could be wrong 🐵🐺

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mjkjg2 t1_ixvphdn wrote

this demonstrates how unjustifiably confident us Americans are

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byDMP t1_ixvsgq1 wrote

You sure about that?

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mjkjg2 t1_ixvt7xa wrote

according to this 8% of Americans think they could fist fight a gorilla

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jrystrawman t1_ixyc82v wrote

Didnt specify gender of gorilla which matters a lot. Major size disparity.... But a small male gorilla will mess most non-proffesional fighters up.

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Mysterious-Art7143 t1_iy0evzk wrote

Lol what? Any adult gorilla would snap best human fighter like a twig in 0.5 seconds

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TheBirminghamBear t1_iy2j213 wrote

Yes, but I will have the advantage because I'll specify we're going by boxing rules, that will force it to curtail most of its advantages and I'll have the judges on my side.

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Tail_Nom t1_ixw2k3m wrote

Nah, just Brits being modest.

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mjkjg2 t1_ixw3pk7 wrote

I’d say their estimates are wayy more realistic

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RD__III t1_ixxxn7e wrote

Less than half of Brits couldn’t kill a goose?There is no reason a fully grown adult human should lose to a goose in a fight.

Edit: read the graph wrong

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mjkjg2 t1_ixxxuqg wrote

well in that particular data point, Americans are just barely ahead😂

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[deleted] t1_ixxp060 wrote

[deleted]

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RD__III t1_ixxxz3l wrote

30% of Brit’s can’t kill a rat. Lets not act like this is beautiful data here

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evmarshall t1_ixzkg7i wrote

The correct answer is NOPE.

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Leninist_Lemur t1_iy0llei wrote

I‘d like to meet the almost 10% of americans who believe they could beat an Elephant.

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