Not_that_wire OP t1_j0l7sug wrote on December 17, 2022 at 2:37 PM

Reply to comment by ampron in Child abuse in the U.S. - victims by perpetrator relationship 2020 by Not_that_wire

Totally appreciate your perspective and your devotion to helping kids in need. Sincerly, thank you!

At about 15, my precocious kid told me this about the boys at school who were having problems -

The aggressive knuckle head kids that are getting into fights tend to have had abandonment / absentee father stuff.

The quiet self-destructive kids - not aggressive but often intoxicated with whatever as often as possible. He said the kids that are dragging themselves around and are self-sabotaging are the ones with the mums who discarded or neglected them.

It seemed like a really insightful "ground truth". What are your thoughts, having lived with some of the kids?

ampron t1_j0lc92x wrote on December 17, 2022 at 3:13 PM

My experience: Foster parent to one teen for less than a year. Tried to be prepared by taking lots of trauma-based parenting classes and reading, because studying is what I am familiar with. It helped, but I doubt anyone is ever really ready.

My perspective: Children’s behavior is complicated. I’d caution against assuming you can look at their behavior and guess what the cause is. Even when you’re in the middle of it things are difficult to understand. Also, the behavior of deeply traumatized children is often misunderstood. There are no easy answers.

Not_that_wire OP t1_j0prbku wrote on December 18, 2022 at 2:44 PM

Totally agree. I really try to honour the individuals I know it looks like rows from data table. I'm always aware that each row is a child who is afraid, hurt and in need of TLC.

It's hard work form me. I cry often. But after 30 yrs of making people rich from data, this feels better for me.

I work with quantitative data only. I don't do lit reviews and book report type research. Much of it is rehashed and derivatives if not just conforming (easier to get funding).

I felt my son's insight, while admittedly a generalization, helped me open up my perspective which helps me ask more meaningful questions.

There's no precise approach to understand individual outcomes but, in aggregate, looking at abuse through a public health/public safety perspective, the more likely we are to identify and support victims while securing better evidence against perpetrators.