Was in a similar boat. Have you tried meditation? That did wonders for me. Now when the thought starts to come up I can take a breath, hit pause in my brain, try to understand what in my life might be triggering the thought , and then let the thought go without dwelling on it. Turn my mind to doing something about the current situation that might be triggering the thoughts. I know it is a trite suggestion but it really did work for me. I almost never think about suicide beyond the automatic “maybe I should kill my self “ thought. No rumination or anything