Don_Bugen t1_j6p865x wrote on January 31, 2023 at 10:39 PM

Reply to comment by Creative_Rhubarb_817 in Do girls find it weird when a guy plays a female character? by [deleted]

I grew up in the 90s, bruh. Not a popular kid. And reading OP voice his fears on how he'd be perceived made me think back to it. "No one's attacking straight men here?" Dude, straight men attack each other for not looking straight enough, and everyone else attacks straight men if they seem too straight. Just like 2itemcombo below says "They are indirectly saying they are so fragile that looking at a guy's ass will make them gay."

This isn't a "Oh boo hoo you straight cis males you must have it so hard" but more of a "Come on, can't we be reasonable here" thing.

>Someone who indicates, even with hyperbole, loudly and publicly that they ignore these things to focus on visual arousal is indicating themselves to be a shallow and vulgar person. This is true whether they're a straight male, and straight woman, or a queer person.

And that's a fine opinion to have. I share the same opinion on loud, public, unprovoked declarations. As I said before, the only time I've heard this was when someone was confronted by another person who could not understand why a straight male was playing as a female (like Old-Passenger-9065, who started this) and was put into a position that they had to defend their sexuality.

If someone declares this loudly and publicly, without provocation, sure, that's a shallow and vulgar person. However, I will not judge someone who does so because another person is questioning them, because I don't know what is on the line for them, and as a non-macho dude I've been in that situation way too much. I have also known in my life heterosexual, homosexual, and pansexual people who have been in real danger or actually suffered real consequences because they didn't "present their sexuality" well enough. You run into all sorts as a foster parent in an urban area.

Old-Passenger-9065 is a good example of this - and I'm not saying a thing about him, personally, but the situation in general. A spouse looking over her husband's shoulder, seeing that he's always choosing to play as a woman, even in story and roleplay-heavy games... "Uh... why are you always playing as women, honey?" In many - not all, of course but many - relationships, that would immediately bring in tension. Is there something you haven't told me? Am I not enough? Maybe the spouse is mature enough either to understand the real, eloquently-stated explanation you gave about story, character, motivation... maybe they're not. Maybe this would put a strain on the relationship. It's hard to tell.

Creative_Rhubarb_817 t1_j6pc0en wrote on January 31, 2023 at 11:04 PM

I did too, and I totally understand what you're referring to. That's exactly why I believe so strongly that men should express themselves honestly without hiding behind platitudes that only feed in to negative stereotypes. Nothing is going to get better unless we stand up for our right to be who we really are.

I am not without sympathy for the people who are in a situation where it's dangerous to express themselves. But it's all the more reason why we should push back against the culture that forces them to do so, not embrace it.

I'm not blaming Old-Passenger-9065. You'll notice that all I said to him was that I'm glad it works for him and his wife. How he plays his game and manages his relationship is his own business.

But the OP of the thread was asking for advice, and my advice to him would be not to do what Old-Passenger is doing, but to embrace his enjoyment of playing female characters without shame and fear. I would advise him not to enter into a romantic relationship with someone that he can't be himself around, even if that means staying single for longer than he otherwise would have.

I don't say this to judge or shame you, Don_Bugen, but I think you would really benefit from talking to someone and working through the issues you have in this area. I've been there. I think if you were able to step back and look at this thread objectively, you would see that we're basically on the same side of this issue.