My eighth birthday, I was walking back to my house from the yard. The rooster started coming after me, so I started sprinting. It was the one fucking day my parents locked the house. Ever. In 17 years living with them, one time.

That rooster clawed and pecked the fuck out of my legs.

It’s okay though, a month later he tremors coming after me while I was riding my dirt bike.

The dirt bike definitely won.