I know this isn't going to be a popular opinion in this forum, but.... I'm a gay man, and I've lived in all three places you've mentioned, although I've been in JC since 2012 (I'm 45). I am emotionally attached to Jersey City, it is a gay-friendly town, there are lots of gay people here in JC of all ages, and the community is very supportive. However, if I were in your position and given how old you two are, especially if you are going to be living in NYC area for the first time, I would opt to live in Manhattan for a year or two, even if it were a 1-BR shoebox in a 5th floor walk-up. After that experience, you two can decide to move out to JC or BK but I don't think you'd regret or ought to skip living in Manhattan, even if it's a short time.