I had an existential crisis for the last month or so. I thought it might have been my "midlife crisis" as I have heard people go through. I have had too much on my mind about the direction civilization is going on and what getting older will be like for the next 40-50 years.

I hope not too much changes in the next few decades. I hope we can find ways to stave off a complete collapse of everything we have built.

Everything I've learned about has told me that this isn't going to go well for anyone. The US might do much better than many others historically, but the way everything is organized is optimized to depend on large systems, and if things break down, so do all the large systems, and thus the US itself will be untenable.

Without food and energy, will we simply cease to be? Will we resort to nomadic ways with the loss of our technology?

No matter what way I look at it... I feel like I am living like a GOD right now, and this time is coming to an end. Enjoying amazon and getting milk from a corner store might become memories I think of fondly.

This stopped scaring me as much as it used to, because I've been reading some very important material.

There is a book about "4000 weeks", where it talks about what living well means, and how we live 4k weeks on avg, 5k if we are lucky.

I also read the perennial philosophy by aldous huxley, Sartre's "Being and Nothingness", and "unbounded wholeness" by Klein. The first talks about how all religions are based on some of the same things, and those things are possibly the truest things. The second talks about existentialism and explores questions related to the meaning, purpose, and value of human existence. The third is about the mystical side of buddhism, logic, and its' philosophy.

All of these literary works, combined with many discussions with friends and family, I've been able to stop having panic attacks when the subject of "the future" comes up, or my own inevitable death. My palms would sweat, I'd get dizzy and anxious, my heart would start racing, and I'd feel nauseous intermittantly. I spent almost 2 weeks thinking about this stuff all day long and genuinely being fucked up over how much worse the future could go than I had hoped for when I was younger.

It feels like very little has changed since an "inconvenient truth" came out. I can no longer imagine humanity lasting long enough to make it to the stars and figure out star trek levels of technology. I can only imagine Mad Max.

This is the worst feeling that I've ever felt.... and I've been through a LOT OF STUFF!!!