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stml t1_j5zee1y wrote

Reply to comment by frodosdream in Missing Lithuanian woman found in Malaysia after 4 years of searches by EriDxD

Her parents are probably happy that she's alive and well.

Also we don't know her story, but families can be incredibly toxic or dangerous and straight up disappearing can sometimes be the only choice.

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Jillredhanded t1_j5zttkg wrote

Mine knows I'm in Canada but nothing beyond that, been 4 years. Do not miss.

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Cormetz t1_j61izzx wrote

I have a crazy story like this.

I knew my friend's youngest sister had a falling out with the rest of the family, but figured they would have patched things up in the 5 years since I had heard anything about it. My brother happened to run into his sister in Kathmandu of all places, so I texted my friend, the conversation was as below:

Me: hey, my brother just ran into X

Friend: oh is he in DC now?

Me: no Kathmandu?

Friend: have time for a call??

Basically they have had no contact to her since like 2016, and had no idea her husband had moved from being a musician to being an aide worker. He was blown away. I actually went to visit my brother a few weeks later and met up with her, she wasn't upset I mentioned it luckily.

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Attrm t1_j5zxid1 wrote

If they were so awful that she ghosted them and moved to another country, content to let them think she died, they probably are the kind of people that would have been happier if she had actually died rather than know that she just left specifically to get away from them.

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HachimansGhost t1_j60vnxp wrote

I mean, they were the ones who looked for her. If they didn't care, they wouldn't have even made a report.
Its definitely more complicated than evil parents.

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waffebunny t1_j610mu6 wrote

We don’t know the details; so it could indeed be more complicated. Judgement should be reserved.

I will note as an aside that it is entirely possible for toxic individuals to search for people that have cut contact with them.

(Perhaps they are doing so as a way to reestablish control over the other party; perhaps they genuinely care, and are simply blind to their own toxicity.)

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AlternativeBasket t1_j625uhz wrote

Neglectful isn't the only evil parent option. A controller might still look for them as well.

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255001434 t1_j61jgbo wrote

You can tell there are a lot of teenagers here when a fair and reasonable comment like yours has negative karma. Picking sides in their family issue based on so little information is idiotic.

But parents are bad, amirite kids? /s

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Same_Cantaloupe_7031 t1_j6me82w wrote

You’re defending a comment that says “definitely more complicated”. With the same little information. Bit embarrassing.

But teenagers bad, amirite?

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255001434 t1_j6n7lm1 wrote

Nope. Saying it is "more complicated" is not drawing a conclusion about who is to blame, it is a truth about most familial relationships and it was said in response to comments that were taking sides. It was simply saying that we don't know what happened. Nothing embarrassing about supporting that.

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Same_Cantaloupe_7031 t1_j6o1wvs wrote

“Lot of teenagers here”

Hilarious that you’re grandstanding about not knowing enough with these ridiculous generalizations. I’m glad you don’t feel embarrassment because you would no cap through the floor if you could.

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notoriousnationality t1_j60qgdp wrote

20 years ago I almost did that, and I was 19 too. I used to dream about cutting contact, changing my identity and never coming back. 20 years later, and trying everything else possible, I still want to do that, just as badly! But instead I visit them and pretend everything is fine. I still want to never see them again, now with even more and more certainty. Initially I hoped that as time passed, I would start to understand them. But instead I see that they are still as heartless as they ever were. Rather I regret giving them the opportunity to demonstrate their lack of humanity to the point that I’ve become so certain of their character. If I left earlier, I would have had doubts but now I have zero doubts, and it’s quite sad to see myself become so convinced about them. Family can be toxic.

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LincolnMarch t1_j63dzsr wrote

Apparently this sort of thing is built into Japanese culture. Check out the podcast "The Evaporated"...as a westerner it's absolutely fascinating to think that you could disappear and not be found again on an island nation just to avoid something like a debt.

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waffebunny t1_j6118ve wrote

I’m sorry you find yourself in that situation, friend.

Perhaps you could still cut contact? (This far into your life, you may have laid down roots that you cannot now pull up. However, you might also have access to resources that your younger self didn’t - like the funds necessary to secure a restraining order!)

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notoriousnationality t1_j63jdjm wrote

I actually live in another country! But I still visit (short visits). Still doesn’t feel far enough.

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waffebunny t1_j64tmo4 wrote

Ah, that I can understand! Well - hopefully that means, at a future point, you can decease your visits if you so choose. 🙂

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mazarax t1_j64v2uu wrote

If you are still in contact, tell them exactly this, what your wrote here.

If they are indifferent to it, and can’t discuss it meaningfully, maybe leave for good?

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Intrepid_Leather_963 t1_j6cpd78 wrote

You can still cut contact. I'm 54 and done it 7 years ago. Best thing I ever done. I've had counselling and need more, but I'm happier away from them. X

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TheLaGrangianMethod t1_j61bs1t wrote

Haven't spoken to any birth family in over 4 years. At this point, the person who is currently in my life and has been in my life the longest is my 15 year old daughter. I don't know why but that seems very strange.

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