The pain is unbearable. And not just the physical deformities.

Imagine your entire life, everything you love, stripped away from you. Literally.

And yes, I realize in retrospect just how appalling my behavior was. There is no excuse for it. I’ve tried to live as normally as I can, but I still look at my wall of magazine covers and just sob. It’s such a challenge to even get out of bed and stare at myself in the mirror. What I’ve become.

I do feel relieved in a way. Modeling changed me. It made me toxic and unlikable. I think I’ve shed most of that, mainly because I’ve had to push through all of the self-glorification and strip my ego down to nothing.

It’s just been so hard.