The trick to lucid dreaming is making it a habit to check if you are awake or not. There’s a variety of ways to check, I’ve always found an old-fashioned pinch of the arm to do the trick. If you feel pain, you are awake, if you don’t, congrats, you are dreaming. Once you’ve gotten used to consistently pinching yourself while awake, the habit will carry over into your subconscious, and if you’re lucky, Dream You will remember to pinch himself and voila, lucid dreaming. Before you immediately go jump off a roof and fly, remember your main objective.

Don’t wake up.

Doing so will end your experience, and you never know when you’ll get the chance again. Try and minimize your excitement within the dream. If the nervous system is sufficiently aroused, your conscious brain will take over and your adventures will be cut short. When I first began, I nearly woke up immediately, but after taking a few deep breaths I managed to stay asleep. I decided to try and fly (of course). After straining and hopping around a few times, I was able to somewhat hover for a few seconds a foot off the ground. This unfortunately did excite me to the point of opening my eyes. The dream frayed away to nothing. As you get better, you’ll be able to maintain your composure under the wildest situations: flying, laughing, fighting, screaming…

Don’t wake up.

It gets easier and easier. My first forays were abrupt as every new experience or ability revved my brain into wakefulness like a lawnmower coming to life. After a few weeks I was able to retain my composure enough to do some really exciting things: fly many feet in the air, topple buildings with a thought, punch my annoying neighbor in the teeth and watch his head burst like a rotting watermelon.

The dreams can get very long, and this can be a problem as lucid dreaming is not restful sleep. Your days can become painfully exhausting. Falling asleep at your desk is frowned upon, and there’s only so many times you can be caught drooling over your keyboard before you lose your job. You may start using your dreams as an escape from your real-life issues. You can let yourself go off on your nagging wife, then wake up and kiss her good morning, a much more docile spouse. There were nights after heated arguments that I’d engage in guiltless violence, in things irrational and primal that I could revel in without losing sleep (ha!) over it. It was simple, I just had to remember

don’t wake up

or it would be cut short and the catharsis ruined. As you get better, you may marvel at how realistic your dreams become. With diligent exercise, all five of your senses can become just as perceptive as in reality: the particular shadows in a familiar room, the background sounds of the world outside, the touch of forbidden fantasies, the smell of blood, the taste of skin

don’t wake up

Inhibitions are much lower in dreamland, any fleeting thought or mischievous indiscretion can be fully enjoyed without the irksome pangs of your conscience. Your wife nags you (“why can’t you get a job” “Go to the doctor, you sleep too much”)? Why not blow her head off for a laugh? Why not beat her until she’s dead? It’s not cruel, it’s not even real. It’s funny, not serious. Or it could be both. You’re dreaming, what does it matter why you do it? As long as it’s not real. It’s not real. You were dreaming, you see? I was dreaming. I AM dreaming. I’m very good at it now, you see. It even hurts my knuckles where I hit her. I almost didn’t have to remind myself, almost didn’t have to calm down and repeat the all-important mantra of

dontwakeupdontwakeupdontwakeup

oh fuck

It even hurts my knuckles where I hit her

I whirled around but she isn’t there anymore.

I wake up, heart pounding. It seems as though my foolproof method of detecting wakefulness is flawed. I can now feel pain in dreams. No matter, I can find some other discrepancy to exploit.

As I shuffle out of bed, I feel a jolt of pain as my hand brushes the door as I open it. I glance at my hands: they are covered in blood. Fear rips through my skull like a rifle shot as I open the door.

She’s dead on the floor in a pool of scarlet.