Hear me out: go rob a bank, or a grocery story, and hide the money back at your place where you and you only know where to find it so your wife can’t find it.

The next day when you wake up, see if the money is still there. If it is, go rob a place each day, and stick like the money for a while. Since your day resets, you won’t be “wanted” for very long, and if you get caught, your day resets you back to your bed with a clean slate each midnight. Continue robbing until you have enough money to hire a scientist (or a team of them) to help you solve your problem.

If they can’t, well, you’ll have a nice stockpile of cash to finally pay for the delivery-if it ever happens.