EDIT: please, no more suggestions of removing the plate. To reclarify - There is no plate. There is a fake paper plate inside the car on the dash.
Day 1: I work late, noticed a slightly busted up black mercedes SUV parked partially on sidewalk, fully blocking hydrant access directly in front of our building. At first glance it had no plates. Then noticed an expired fake plate on the dash. Figured it might be ticketed in the morning.
Day 2: Car still there. File 311 complaint for fake plates. Nothing is done. I didn't subscribe so I couldn't follow what happened.
Day 3: File another 311 complaint for blocking hydrant and get an alert that a summons has been issued on the vehicle. There does appear to be a ticket (issued to a fake plate, though).
Day 4: Nothing
Day 5: Still nothing
Day 6: Call local precinct. Phone rings for a long time. Nobody picks up. File abandoned vehicle report. DSNY calls and states this is a police issue because it is not abandoned if it.... has plates. I explain it has no plates, they're fake. They explain this is a police issue. I actually call 911 and say if this is a waste of time please just end the call, but not sure what else to do. The dispatcher tells me she would do the same. The hydrant is totally blocked. Breaking the car windows would not provide access if there was a fire, so it's an emergency issue. She says police are sent.
Day 7: nothing
Day 8: Police call me. Interesting. They say that these vehicles get caught in limbo. They tell me that when someone files a fake plate report, a summons is issued on the vehicle to the VIN. The cars are not towed. They explained that the police lots are not towing and that the lots are totally full. He stated DSNY cannot tow them because they have a fake plate. If a plate is anywhere on the vehicle, it is not abandoned. I ask what to do, and he says "I need your help. I need you to call local tow lots because anyone can tow the car once it has a summons, and they can sell the car after a certain number of days". I agree to this. I call five tow lots. They all decline. They all tell me that the officer is misinformed. I have no idea if this is true. I cannot call the officer back because it was a blocked number.
I then see the cops came back to the car out my window as I'm working. I run down and confront them directly. Turns out it's the actual officer that called me. I tell him about the tow lots and ask what comes next. His supervisor comes over, explains that if I can't find a local tow yard, then the car stays. I ask if a summons compels anyone to actually do anything, or if they can investigate the VIN. They stated they cannot, and they cannot tow the car. I asked if it blocking a hydrant means anything. They stated that would be traffic's issue. I ask if traffic isn't part of NYPD, they say it is but you have to contact them directly. I have been unable to contact them directly. I think near they end they were just saying random things to get me off the case.
So the very long story here is that nothing will be done. You can try every resource at your disposal, but i'm stuck having to contact someone higher up for a single car. The systems in place for the public to deal with cars for anyone living in a non-wealthy area are in fact total wastes of time. Take matter into your own hands or ignore.