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DrTreadmill t1_j6ag70h wrote

Reply to comment by BouncyEgg in Tips for best affording an engagement ring? by [deleted]

So you all both saved towards the engagement ring?

I hadn’t considered including her finances in that picture but I feel like I would feel super guilty if I did. Maybe that’s the traditionalist on me? Idk. That’s an interesting angle.

We do both know each other’s finances really well. I have considerably higher overhead than her at similar salaries. She’s done awesome for herself and has saved enough she could buy her own ring twice over tomorrow. Proud of her. I’d need to save up more before I’d feel ok with her chipping in on her own ring.

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BouncyEgg t1_j6ah53l wrote

Here's another way of looking at it.

You're getting married, right?

What's mine is yours and yours is mine, right?

For better or for worse, right?

One person's financial decisions impact the other's, right?

There is no more my money. There is no more your money.

It becomes our money.

No, I'm not saying you have to be completely combined with zero assets in each of your own names. (We each maintain a small separate balance more for gifts to eachother.) It's more the general mentality of things.

Large financial decisions (such as a ring purchase) should not be a one sided phenomena. If I use "my" money to pay for it, that's less money going into the "family" pot or towards the "family" goals. This takes away from the SO's money. So it's all the same whether I pay or SO pays.

We (as a team) are still paying for it.

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DrTreadmill t1_j6aivph wrote

That makes sense and I see what you’re saying. This has been how we’ve approached other purchases and I’ll talk more with her about it cooperatively. While we’d talked pricing I guess I had felt that it was taboo, even though she hasn’t said anything that it would be, to talk about it as a joint purchase. Maybe just a societal norm I held? Or my own predilection to want to provide? Food for thought. Thanks!

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