From what you shared personally and hour sources I want to say two things, I am sorry for what you went through growing up and the problems it caused as your life continued as an adult, and the other is I want to commend you for the work you have and are putting into being a better person. I have experienced a lot of trauma and it is so hard to climb out from the mess. I grew up in a small town and kinda managed to live in a bubble until almost 30, even as an alcoholic. Both parents suddenly died 18 months apart with no warning. Mental health tanked, drugs were added and final homelessness where I saw the worst of the worst and honestly some of the best of the best. But the bad burns itself into your mind and eventually that "scaring" hides the good things and all that a left is fear, mistrust, and a sense of helplessness. If you can implement these things into your life where the real challenge is and where I struggle and fail. I really wish I could be as naive as I once was, ignorance isn't necessarily bliss but it allows for much more contentment with however things are currently going.

Thanks for sharing all this, I got a lot from it and its clear you shared it because you did as well. Ill be watching/reading your links over the weekend.