Forget Moonlit. It’s only good because Pittsburgh proper has no similar alternatives.

You want a real smash burger? Then you’ll have to broaden your horizons and expand your search.

Go to Freddy’s Frozen Custard. The closest one is technically in Dover, Ohio, but it’s faster to drive to the Akron location. Great stuff. Stellar fries if you ask for seasoning. Pro tip: their hot dogs are from Vienna Beef.

And, if you do go to Ohio, you can, indeed, hit a Culver’s, but other than their cheese curds and krinkle kut fries, they are inferior to Freddy’s, though still a step above Moonlit.

If it were the Spring, the real answer is Greensburg’s own Tastyland, whose burgers not only fully eclipse Moonlit, but Freddy’s, Culver’s, and crossover to blow cheffy, pub, and other local offerings right off the grill. Pro tip: bacon double with onions, ketchup on the side, with a bag of carnival-like fries and a Dole Whip for dessert.

Can’t wait and don’t wanna drive? Go get a cast iron skillet, commercial flipper, Martin’s Potato Buns, Cooper American, and the best damn ground Chuck you’ve ever had from Bardine’s Country Smokehouse and learn how to make your own.

You can thank me later.