Should I (18F) move out to my boyfriend's (18M) country or stay here?

Submitted by ThrowRaKokiele t3_11em9fj in relationship_advice

Okay so I'm in a long distance relationship and been in it for 3 years. I live in South Korea and my boyfriend lives in Germany and we have met a couple of times in person. The problem is he wants me to go live with him in Germany and study in there. But my parents want me to study in here to make sure I can survive in university. I am not sure if I should go to Germany or study here and after bachelors degree go to Germany and study there the masters degree and be with him. The biggest problem for me is that my boyfriend wants me to go there as soon as possible so we can be togehter since he doesn't want to miss out on our best years. For those who wonder how I have met him a couple of times at such young age the reason is our parents have paid our trips to go visit each other and have allowed us to stay in each others homes. I think I should add to this that if I go to Germany to study and be with him I could stay at him and his parents place.

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trees1nthewind t1_jaeumcl wrote

I do not advise moving to another country for a significant other, especially at such a young age. Do you see a future in South Korea or elsewhere? What happens if things don't work out with your bf? Moving to a place where you know no one besides one person can be extremely isolating.

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ThrowRaKokiele OP t1_jaev06p wrote

In future I would plan to live in Germany anyways, and incase of breakup I could still stay there.

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trees1nthewind t1_jaev4td wrote

If you see yourself living there and that's a place of interest then no one can stop you

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ThrowRaKokiele OP t1_jaewg7a wrote

So in conclusion I should go there?

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trees1nthewind t1_jaewpap wrote

Go if you are going more for your education. Of course being with your bf is a plus but shouldn't be the main reason. Also definitely consider being independent of him. Like living on your own, having your own friends, financially separated etc.

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trees1nthewind t1_jaewtev wrote

Also your 18, these are not the best years neither are they the only best years of your life

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ThrowRaKokiele OP t1_jaexz55 wrote

I'd say the reason for going there would be 50/50 study and him. In there I would get other friends too of course but the problem with living on my own would be the living fees and all. I still wanna have freetime alongside studies and not spend it all on working. During university I have worked part-time alongside studying and it just is way too tireing.

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trees1nthewind t1_jaeylt6 wrote

How would you support yourself financially then? Rely on your parents on him? Honestly for me 50/50 is not good enough of a ratio.

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ThrowRaKokiele OP t1_jaezlkn wrote

I don't know how I could support myself financially yet. And what do you mean by "Rely on your parents on him?" I don't understand the meaning of this sentence.

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trees1nthewind t1_jaezrca wrote

Rely on your parents or on him. Just misspelled a word.

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ThrowRaKokiele OP t1_jaf0l1h wrote

I honestly don't know, at the same time I'd feel guilty at the fact how much my parents would have to pay for my university in South Korea

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trees1nthewind t1_jaf0sl7 wrote

So list out some pros and cons other than your bf and come back an reexamine whether you want to go.

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ThrowRaKokiele OP t1_jaf14gw wrote

I'd say going to Germany has more pros and less cons than staying in Korea. In Germany Could study with no tution fees and the education level there is good + I anyways plan to live there at some point in life.

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trees1nthewind t1_jaf1adj wrote

You make the judgement because you know your life best. At the end of the day whether you go or not it will be up to you. We're just here to give you some food for thought.

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McSuzy t1_jaevlh2 wrote

Stay in SK until your master's.

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kaibelf t1_jaevm33 wrote

Your education is something you own for the rest of your life. Get that before worrying about prioritizing any man or relationship. If you relocate there and split your attention between him and school, or if you go there and it does not work out and then you are distracted from school, you undermine your own path.

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ThrowRaKokiele OP t1_jaewmm9 wrote

So I should first study in here and then go to Germany for him?

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Interesting-Month-56 t1_jaewga2 wrote

You do not want to move to Germany and move into his house. That’s a great way to get trapped.

I suggest you move to Germany only if you have an independent reason to move to Germany, like you want to go to school there or have job prospects.

Here are some red flags:

  • you are not even in college and he’s saying these are the “best years”. They aren’t. Your “best years” are ahead of you and will comprise a lifetime.

  • you’ve been dating long distance for three years. There is no substitute for IRL interaction. Basically a long distance relationship with limited IRL interaction is the same thing as getting set up on a blind date when it comes to dating.

  • you don’t have any plans to become an independent person regardless of what happens. If you can’t be independent, you ae going to be a poor partner for your future mate.

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ThrowRaKokiele OP t1_jaexen4 wrote

We have met multiple times during we have dated and I am planning to move to Germany anyways at some point in life since it's my biggest dream to live in there. I don't see what others time could be the best years in life than the years in university since during university life there is still relatively much freetime and all.

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