My 28F boyfriend 26M wants to go back to how we were

Submitted by ThrowRA_noobatthis t3_11drmce in relationship_advice

Note : we are currently in a LDR. It’s almost been a year.

I find myself really confused as I write this. My boyfriend of 2 years casually made a slightly odd statement yesterday. He sent me a screenshot of one of our old conversations, a time when we were just friends, and remarked how quirky I was back then and how I’d tell him everything, and how he misses that.

I told him I still do that. The only reason he doesn’t have proof of it is because we talk everyday and I tell him everything via call instead. He thought for a while and agreed. I also told him that we were friends back then. Now we’re two years into our relationship. He can’t really expect me to not change during the course of two years since we’ve had our ups and downs and we’ve understood each other much better now than when we were just friends . He’s changed as well. He used to be spontaneous and come up with all kinds of topics to talk about when we were friends, but right now when we talk it sometimes feels like I’m the one doing all the talking and he either fazes out or participates only when it’s something he’s interested in (politics or religion mostly). Somehow even after telling him all this, he still feels the need to go back to how we were.

“Why don’t we go back to texting along with calling” he says. It’s not a major ask tbh, and I obliged because I was ok with it. What I wonder though is if he’s doing that just because he wants to “go back to the good ol’ days”

A part of me is also butthurt that he’d say something like “I miss the old you” when I believe my personality really hasn’t changed. It’s just that when I do talk he daydreams and I end up just not telling him.

Yesterday we ended up texting rather than talking and it felt unnatural to me. I soon realised though that he was more articulate through texts than via call. He was more himself because he was able to think at his pace and frame his sentences better. We were finally able to have a conversation.

I’m not really sure what this post is meant to be. In a way it’s me venting a bit of my frustration out into the internet. It’s also me trying to ask for help in ways I need to improve myself (maybe how not to get butthurt when he says things like “I miss the old you”). Whatever may be the case, if you read through it all, thanks for reading :)

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MckittenMan t1_jaafcum wrote

I think that's the real challenging part about LDRS.

The entire fulfillment and survivability weight is placed on couples ability to converse. You two don't have access to other means to bond over, dates, cuddling, movies, etc.

Couples can, and often do run out of things to talk about. But doing activities together is a way to combat this. There is always a new experience to be had and something new to chat about. Unfortunately, you don't get the same luxury in LDR.

Sounds like there is some unhappiness beginning to develop... I would ask these of you:

  • Do you two have realistic plans of moving to each-other?
  • How often do you get to see each-other in person?
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hisimpendingbaldness t1_jaag63e wrote

I think you answered the what and why of whats going on.

>I soon realised though that he was more articulate through texts than via call. He was more himself because he was able to think at his pace and frame his sentences better. We were finally able to have a conversation.

This is a more natural flow to him. It makes him happy.

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bleep-bloop-meep t1_jaamszl wrote

A friend of mine is more comfortable chatting than talking. I am the oppossite as I feel more comfortable talking than chatting.

Although I am not sure what you guys need but LDR's really require more patience and effort than usual and you wikl both have to cooperate to get it right.

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