LaPakawaka t1_jaey52a wrote on February 28, 2023 at 11:10 PM

What if she burns the bridge with her parents and loses their support and you don’t end up proposing? If you plan on doing it in a few months what is the difference if marriage is something you both want?

Unless it is for tax reasons or debt I don’t understand people who want to live together and do wife/husband things like setting up a home without being married. I get that it works for a lot of people but you are asking her to burn an important bridge without the piece of paper that would protect her. I have seen these types of arrangements or uncommitted commitments turn messy(especially for 1 of the people) in the long term if they don’t work out.

If that is a deal breaker to you then let her go and go on your way.

Tomatomir OP t1_jaezdgo wrote on February 28, 2023 at 11:18 PM

I "plan" to propose in a few months in the case that we will live together and confirm to each other that we can manage to live together, without anyones support/meddling and without wanting to "kill eachother" after being stuck together for 24H every day straight 😅 I find it a necessary step for a relationship that any couple should face before considering marriage..

LaPakawaka t1_jaf0vfw wrote on February 28, 2023 at 11:29 PM

So you do realize what you are asking of her? And it is whatever? If she loses her family support and you don’t propose AND marry her, it seems like she has a lot to lose on your living habits and expectations.

Living together or a long engagement/relationship is no guarantee of a happy and long marriage. She has a lot to lose; her family. She could do everything right and be the perfect living mate by most standards and you can still decide “you want to unalive her” bc she doesn’t put out the recycling the way you would have liked or she chews to loudly. That is a big risk for her and if she were my friend I would advise her against the risk.

I moved in the week of my wedding and have been married for 14ish years so I guess I am biased and don’t understand wanting to set up house with someone who would not commit and was willing to see me risk my family who supports me.