bpd [f 25] x commitment issues [m 28]

Submitted by pissybaka69 t3_11el0be in relationship_advice

Hi, I've been struggling lately with my partner. We've been together for 2 months and clicked instantly. As we got closer, I fell for him HARD. I have BPD, and since i was a kid my mom told me “you can't expect for people to love you the same way you love them”. He became my FP. It's all perfect, literally PERFECT when we're together irl. I know we clicked instantly, and he knows it too. The problem is, he's an awful texter. He never reaches out first, and always takes a loooong time to reply (if he even does reply). We talked about it today through text. He confessed that he's afraid of commitment and I understood and replied supportively, and told him that he can be completely honest with me about anything. Again, seen, no reply. I’m used to that already (sadly)…. How do I make this work? I care about him SO SO much and just want the truth. It hurts when I’m not with him, but I completely understand his feelings about commitment. How do I, who’s very open, emotional and giving, help him to feel not pressured and supported, without making myself feel unappreciated and worried about losing what we have? thanks in advance, sorry this is such a long one.

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trishsf t1_jaemxdo wrote

It’s been 2 months. He’s not a texter. Accept that. This isn’t about commitment. It’s early days. Of course he’s not fully committed. You can’t fall for someone and expect them to change. It sounds as if you are pushing too hard too early in the relationship.

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pissybaka69 OP t1_jaep1n6 wrote

i dont want to soud defensive because there is some truth to your comment, but he did tell me directly about having commitment issues (not just with our relationship). I also don’t push him too hard, i know how I am, I’m mostly just overthinking and I wanted to share my pov

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Jmm1272 t1_jaenlxa wrote

First of all do you mean bipolar or borderline personality? How does either one make you more open and giving? I’m very familiar with both

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pissybaka69 OP t1_jaeohvv wrote

didnt mean it like that, i have bpd, but i used open and giving as to describing my personality and behavior not necessarily my psychological condition

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Jmm1272 t1_jaervuj wrote

Which BPD. ? You said you e had it since you were a kid and your mom told you, you can’t expect people to love you the way you love them. I’m trying to understand this

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pissybaka69 OP t1_jaeok5i wrote

bpd - borderline personality disorder

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Jmm1272 t1_jaesj99 wrote

Ok so this issue comes down to your black and white thinking. Also explains your fast attachment. Don’t bring up the commitment anymore. If you don’t want him to feel pressured, then don’t bro g it up anymore. Just enjoy your time together. Also, you already know he’s bad about texting. Is he better if you call?

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