NotTrynaMakeWaves t1_jabxyov wrote on February 28, 2023 at 9:22 AM

Meh, you're 32 not 17.

And the gap's just 9 years. My stepmother is 12 years younger than my Dad and they've lasted decades.

And no one's taking sexual advantage of anyone.

And you're both in the range for adoption should you want to start a family.

I can't see any downside as long as you're in to each other.

aceofmonsters13 OP t1_jabyp15 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 9:33 AM

Thanks for the answer. I think I may be overly freaked out about age gaps because my grandfather and his wife were 30 years apart... it's a huge scandalous and family taboo 🥲

NotTrynaMakeWaves t1_jabzo5p wrote on February 28, 2023 at 9:47 AM

The problem is never the disparity in ages. People can love who they love.

The problem in 'age gap' relationships are two-fold: power imbalance and life stages

Example 1: 40yr old and an 18yr old. The 40 year old will usually hold more 'power' in the relationship due to more established career/finances but also due to experience. It's easier for a 40 yr old to lie to someone fresh out of childhood than someone who's had life experience. I don't think that this applies here since you are an established adult and in just a few years will have been an adult for longer than you were a child. Any 'power imbalance' in the relationship now is entirely due to personality rather than age. NOTE: while the power imbalance is a danger in all extended age gap relationships that does not mean that it is present in all of them.

Example 2: heterosexual relationships - F35/M55 or F40/M20 or F20/M50 The other issue is 'life stages'. if the woman is nearing the point where she really has to start trying to get pregnant if she wants to start a family then she can hit trouble with a partner who is older and does not want to be a 75yr old by the time his kid leaves home or on the other end a partner who doesn't want to be a dad at 20. Similarly if you're 20 and want to establish a career but your partner wants a child before he's 'too old' then your relationship might buckle under that strain. You're 20 and want to go to clubs and travel but they've done all that and want a quiet life. You and your partner aren't that far apart, you're past your nightclub years and if you're going to be childless then I can't see an issue.

aceofmonsters13 OP t1_jac041z wrote on February 28, 2023 at 9:54 AM

Wow, thank you for really explaining this to me. I agree with what you're saying. I will definitely give this guy a chance because I do feel like we're in the same lifestage, and so far he has treated me like an equal. This was really helpful.