M30 F34 - 2.5 years: when you moved in with your partner

Submitted by sweetsunshine559 t3_127xqem in relationship_advice

When we first started dating I loved his place its exactly how I would have done it, but now that we're moving in together to a different unit -same layout I can't help but feel that he is trying to make the same layout?

Only now it's giving me the "desire for bachelor vibes" opposed to the warm love that I had for the layout.

I feel so much more that I need to purposely make the layout different so it can be more of a "us experience" not a let's recreate your old apartment experience..

It just sucks cause I think had we gotten the other unit with a different layout i wouldn't be so bothered by what seems like stupid little things.

Any advice or if anyone went through similar emotions with their partner?

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HHIOTF t1_jegbzhu wrote

oh lord, I remember going through this with my husband who loved his orange statement wall. LOL.

Honestly, you just have to talk about it and find new furnishings together. Hubs resisted me at first, but I told him I didn't feel like it was my home when it was all his stuff with his orange wall. I needed us to choose different stuff together.

We sold a lot of our stuff and found couches and other things we could agree on. He had a few pieces that I like and we kept those.

I know talking about this stuff is hard, but it needs to feel like the space is both of yours.

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SugarGlitterkiss t1_jegawwo wrote

My better half didn't care where I put anything as long as the surround sound was set up properly. Put stuff where you want.

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cinnamongirl73 t1_jegaz7g wrote

I’m really confused by this. I don’t understand if you have the same layout as the first apartment, wouldn’t it be the go-to, to keep the same layout? Something had to trigger you. Is it just because you’re seeing how he decided where everything went before you were around? Is that it?

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sweetsunshine559 OP t1_jegh2rb wrote

Well I'm looking at it as shouldn't we decide together not automatically let's just do what he chose. It makes me feel like I'm moving into his place not our place.

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cinnamongirl73 t1_jegij4x wrote

Ahhhhhhhhhh there it is!!! I’ve got a few years on you, so I’m going to say this from experience. Men don’t think like that. They’re thinking hey the old layout worked, let’s just use that! He’s not thinking oh this is a whole new space, it’ll be ours. If the apartment layout was different, you wouldn’t be worrying about this, because he would be asking your opinion.

But because the apartment is the exact same layout, he’s just not thinking along those lines. That’s all. Now, I would suggest you use your voice, and tell him this is our space now, I’d like to talk about the layout. Sometimes men are just….. derp….. they need guidance with this stuff! 😉

Just simply say yeah this layout isn’t working for me, I feel like we both should agree where everything should go. He’ll probably look at you like you have 3 heads, shrug and say ok….. lol

They’re such simple creatures and we are complex, and we think they are the same way, and it’s just not that way! Lol

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