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Objective-Shoe-1437 t1_iyeuqme wrote

Reply to comment by little_owl211 in I find it hard to respect my significant others when they tell me stories about letting themselves be treated disrespectfully by [deleted]

There’s a key distinction here. I don’t care about the actual thing.

I care about when they tell me how terrible and bad and gross it was and then talk about the situation/person fondly later. And, somewhat unrelated, also I care about hearing about how a person used sex as a tool.

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little_owl211 t1_iyev4kc wrote

I'm confused, you say you care about them, don't care about the thing that happened. But you are still judging them over that thing?

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Objective-Shoe-1437 t1_iyevpot wrote

I’m judging if they tell me how terrible it was and then later are bringing them up as jokes or things like going from “he used me and pretended he wanted something” to “he’s like a macys model, we fucked for 2 hours straight” to “yeah we talk in class all the time” or it goes from “he burned me so bad” to “I didn’t think it was necessary for me to tell him we’re dating if we’re still talking”. Or “he was cheating with me on his gf and when they broke up I kept fucking him”

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little_owl211 t1_iyewc48 wrote

If they joke about it it might be just them trying to get over it themselves. Like convincing themselves it was not that serious and that they are OK now.

And if them keeping in contact bothers you you should ask why they are keeping them in their lives.

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Sad_Entertainer6312 t1_iyew3h1 wrote

I think what you're getting at is that you don't understand how someone would go back to a person who treated them like shit.

What typically happens is that people remember the good stuff and block out the bad shit that happened. It's usually a self worth or self esteem issue.

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Objective-Shoe-1437 t1_iyewszv wrote

Yes exactly, I understand it being a self worth issue. And no judgement to that, everyone is prone to it. Again, relationships/flings/etc. are not logical and can not be rationalized as a such.

But recognizing that it was so bad and so low and then just bringing it up later in a very fond light, especially repeatedly is just a lot for me.

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Sad_Entertainer6312 t1_iyexvwd wrote

I don't understand why they are telling you this shit. In any relationship I've had no one has ever gone into that level.of detail. The most graphic share has been that they weren't fond of doggy style as a previous partner pretty much only did that one position as they liked to be dominant

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