Having less and less sex I'm 2 year relationship

Submitted by RayJay2000 t3_z8zefz in relationship_advice

So me 22M and my gf 24f have a great loving relationship and get along great the only issue is that we have very little sex now. When we first started dating the first month was nothing but sex like almost too much, but then we slowed to 1 to 2 times I week which was more then fine with me. But for the past 6 months we have only had sex 2 times and she didn't want to have sex for more then 3 to 5 min. She has been working a stressful job in which is physically demanding but even when she's not tired she has no interest in having sex with me. I've talked to her about it but usually tells me it's natural to not have sex very often but I'm a very sexual person that use to have sex 2 to 3 times a week. I don't know what to do because our sex life is completely dead and we're only 2 years into the relationship any advice to spice things up. Ps I have tried to initiate my trying more foreplay and trying new things but she still has no interest an most commonly turns me down.

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MckittenMan t1_iye6zfr wrote

You might be SOL friend. If you can conclude that your partner has no real desire to have sex with you, this might be as good as it gets... Having the 'this is a chore' and 'I only participate to make you happy' type mindset.

How's the emotional side of things? Do you feel disconnected? When was the last time you two went out and had a date night together?

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RayJay2000 OP t1_iyebryf wrote

We actually have weekly dates and travel quite a bit like the romance and the relationship remains unaffected. Like we still connect with each other it just seems like she doesn't connect sexually with me anymore. Like I'll take her out to nice meals and drive her to beautiful destinations and go on vacation with her. It's just if I initiate or try to initiate sex she then disconnects and just declines it like last time we had sex and she only did it because it was my birthday and even then it was the most unenthusiastic sex I've ever had for 3 mins. But then we still have laughs together and cuddle and kiss just no tongue anymore.

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MckittenMan t1_iyegb3l wrote

Everything else sounds positive and healthy.

She might have completely checked out of the sex, or developed an asexual personality.

Not sure what else you can do besides keep trying to light a spark, and contemplate it being a deal breaker for you.

It sucks.

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RayJay2000 OP t1_iyegnn7 wrote

Well thanks for the advice I really don't want to end this relationship but it's getting to me have 0 sex

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MckittenMan t1_iyehzz2 wrote

Well its a form of intimacy for a lot people, right? Many people find it strengthen their emotional bond to their partner.

Do you have any idea of her reaction if you told her it was straight up jeopardizing your reletionship?

Sorry dude.

Best of luck!

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420tacoo t1_iyebi5h wrote

Time to go then. Lack of sex or too much sex is a completely reasonable reason to end a relationship.

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padme7588 t1_iyenfdg wrote

I would suggest couples’ therapy to get to the root of why. Partners often withdraw from sex because they don’t feel their needs and being met, or don’t feel safe and secure with their partner as sex is a vulnerable act. Something you could do, is make it clear you just want to have some intimacy, no sex, just cuddle, just kiss, to help build up the intimacy again without the pressure of sex. Show that you just want to be close to her, not to satisfy your own needs.

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