[25m] [24f] my girlfriend might be able to hear my therapy sessions

Submitted by [deleted] t3_zzxnt1 in relationship_advice

Me and my girlfriend live together and I am starting therapy next week. I tried to get in person or phone sessions but all I could get were zoom sessions. I’ve been on the waiting list for free therapy for a year so I couldn’t turn it down or I’d have to refer myself again.

Initially it was going to be fine since I had scheduled them for a time when my girlfriend wasn’t going to be in but my therapist had to change the time. It’s straight after work for me so I don’t have time to go somewhere else so I have to do them at home. I mentioned to my girlfriend the idea she could go to her mums when I have them. I mentioned this because I am having my therapy Wednesday evening and my gf goes to see her mum every wither Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon/evening. She said no and that she shouldn’t have to leave the house.

I asked if she would then use headphones with the tv/laptop when I am in the session just so I can be confident that I cannot be heard. She said she couldn’t promise that. I explained that I am nervous enough anyway since I don’t really like opening up to people and I’m going to be quite vulnerable during the sessions. Her response was just to ask if I am going to be talking about the relationship. She tried to play it off as a joke but I’m not sure it was. Does anyone have any advice on how I can approach this situation?

Tl;dr my girlfriend might be able to hear my therapy sessions when I start next week and she’s seeming reluctant to do anything to minimise the chance of her hearing anything.

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_j2e5tur wrote

Can you get a white noise machine to set by your door? Take the call in your car?

She’s being pretty rude to not give you some space and privacy for this. Seems nosy or she’s worried you’re going to say something about her.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2e66xf wrote

I don’t have a car atm so it’s gonna have to be in the bedroom. I was thinking about putting something in the room that makes noise but I’m worried that it’ll be distracting when I’m trying to hear the therapist

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Guilty_Hunter9304 t1_j2e6mvz wrote

So the white noise machine goes outside your door and it's not loud enough to where the therapist would hear it but it will make it impossible for your gf to hear acting you and your therapist are discussing

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[deleted] OP t1_j2e6ur3 wrote

that might work then I’ll have to look into it. It’ll be too late to get one by my first session but might be an option for future sessions

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TitaniaT-Rex t1_j2e9i5e wrote

Just play white noise on your phone (assuming you will zoom on a computer) and set it by the door. You don’t need a special machine. I play a thunderstorm podcast or a recording of rain on my tent on nights that I can’t get to sleep. There are tons of podcasts, or you can download an app like Calm. They have free white noise as well as paid options.

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_j2e71eg wrote

Use a headset/earbuds then you won’t have any trouble hearing. Test your setup a few minutes prior to the session. Then no one can hear what the therapist says.

A white noise machine would go just outside your door to muffle anything you say to therapist.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2e78wc wrote

Oh yeah I’m definitely gonna be having earphones in, I’m more concerned with her hearing everything I’ll be saying

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Friendly_Shelter_625 t1_j2ew9rn wrote

It shouldn’t distract the therapist. They usually have a white noise machine outside their door and would be used to it. Also, a lot of headsets and meeting apps filter out background noise. My friend and I use Google Meet for weekly chats and I can’t even hear her dog bark when they’re in the same room.

If you have an old radio, tv, computer, or some other device you can play white noise on, just put that by your door. You don’t need a special machine. I’d actually keep it inside your room so your gf can’t move it or “accidentally” turn it off.

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Consistent_Patient88 t1_j2e6z7n wrote

Your girl is being rude and disrespectful by not giving you space to have your PRIVATE therapy session. She needs to respect your right to privacy

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Biauralbeats t1_j2e8zs6 wrote

Tell gf first session is why gf refuses to give me privacy and what should I do with her?
Can you do zoom on your phone in a car or park bench? I know it isn’t ideal, but she isn’t very reasonable. First topic for therapy!!!

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[deleted] OP t1_j2e96gg wrote

No I don’t currently have a car and there isn’t anywhere nearby I’d be able to get to in time since my apppintment is 5 mins after I finish work since I work from home

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Biauralbeats t1_j2e9yyi wrote

Easy. Get headphones, download zoom and go for a walk. Explain to counselor what you have to do to get privacy. They will understand.

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Long-Photograph460 t1_j2ehx5u wrote

You got a lot of pragmatic and wonderful advice here but I really have to ask: is your girlfriend against you seeing a therapist? My partner is a therapist and during Covid he also had to switch to zoom and I was working from home as well. We were in different rooms of course but whenever I even came close to his office I put earbuds in, same for his supervisions or own therapy sessions- I would feel really uncomfortable hearing something so private! What is going on in your relationship?

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[deleted] OP t1_j2eik9p wrote

No she is supportive of me seeing one I just think she underestimates the issues I’ve got to discuss. There are a few issues in the relationship but most of the really negative stuff in our relationship is from the beginning of last year and hasn’t reoccurred since it happened

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Long-Photograph460 t1_j2ejnqk wrote

It’s wonderful that she is supportive! Maybe try to explain her that the concept of a „safe space“ means a lot in a therapy. Zoom is difficult enough and requires more effort from both sides to create that kind of safe space. Maybe she will be more understanding if you explain that this is not so much about the topic in the session but more about an overall feeling. Talk to her! Good luck and all the best! (Plus a therapy session is about 45mins which is the length of about every episode of every show, shouldn’t be hard for her to get distracted in an episode of her favorite show.)

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