My (26M) girlfriend (23F) still talks to people she used to talk to on dating apps

Submitted by Brindarqt t3_10q6u5h in relationship_advice

Hey everyone. Just wanted to gauge everyone's opinion on the matter. My girlfriend and I have talked about this and we do trust each other. We're open books to each other and she tells me everything that goes on in her conversations.

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What's been bothering is that there's one guy she's been talking to from the times she was on dating apps. They've never met each other in person and she's really dry when it comes to texting him, but he's constantly initiating conversation with her. I know that my girlfriend won't cross any of my boundaries, but I'm more worried on the intentions of the guy she's talking to, when he's fully aware that she's off the market. He also has a girlfriend. Here's a few red flags that she told me that make me feel a little iffy.

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  1. She's read me a few of their texts and it just rubbed me weird. Some of the texts he would send would be messages like "haha ur so cute", and kinda like the playful flirting. The weirdest text she's told me about was that they were talking about their own significant others. He asked my girlfriend in a text if I knew about him and that they talk. The texts goes as follows: "does ur bf know about me and that we talk?" "haha you could tell me if he doesn't". My girlfriend replies that I do know and that she's an open book, which is true. She then proceeds to ask him if his girlfriend knows that he's talking to her and he said "haha no she doesn't. should i tell her?". My girlfriend says she doesn't want to be in an awkward argument between him and his girlfriend, but he responds to that with "haha nah we're good". I just felt that out of respect, his girlfriend should at least know that he's still talking to someone he used to talk to in his Tinder days.
  2. The second one is that he really wants to see my girlfriend. They live about three hours away from each other, but for someone he's never met before, he's fully willing to drive that three hours to her house. It's usually the constant "wyd tonight" and he recommends grabbing a drink with her. He's awfully pushy about hanging out and trying to get her to send pictures (bless my girlfriend though since she swerves him and send him couple photos instead LMAO).

But yeah, I could just be overthinking this hard, but it just rubs me the wrong way. My girlfriend and I have definitely talked about this, but I just wanted to gauge everyone else's opinion. Something more unbiased to both of our opinions. My girlfirend's the type that hates notifications and replies to everyone. If I had to describe what she does, she has a priority list on who she is a good texter to, and then this guy falls low on that list, but she does reply to him from time to time to knock out the notification on her phone. It's not that she's entertaining the guy, but she says she'd feel bad ghosting him because he tries so hard to have a conversation with her.

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TLDR; girlfriend still talks to guy back in her dating app days, definitely just a friend in her perspective, guy's motives are questionable.

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lemmehelpyaout t1_j6o6srs wrote

It's clear that he is flirting with her and making inappropriate comments. He doesn't sound like a friend, so why does she need to continue responding?

It sounds like your girlfriend doesn't do a good job at drawing boundaries. She can easily be direct that she has a boyfriend and his comments are inappropriate and she doesn't want to meet up with him in person or continue chatting.

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Brindarqt OP t1_j6o7kro wrote

Thanks for the reply! I'll bring it up with her.

Hmm if I had to say it, I think she doesn't see it as flirting and inappropriate comments. I would say she's optimistic that he's a good guy and since he has a girlfriend himself, he won't push any boundaries that would jeopardize that relationship. She's definitely said straight forward that she has a boyfriend, but doesn't state his comments are inappropriate. She sees the hangout as friends finally hanging out after a while of basically being pen-pals.

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Chitown2181 t1_j6oa4bb wrote

That naivete excuse is really played out, most women know when a guy is calling them cute and constantly reaching out that he's interested.

Maybe your gf is actually that naive but I struggle to take that justification seriously.

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Brindarqt OP t1_j6oc351 wrote

Thanks so much. I guess I brushed it off since my girlfriend is a "bro" girl and has majority, if not only guy friends. The closest ones she does tend to playful flirt with. Kinda like the occasional "Ay what it do baby?" to them so I just learned to live with it. I figured I was just overthinking this situation with what she normally does with her close friends.

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