Alrighty, I know I'm not the first one to fall in love with married boss... But god damn this is giving me a hard time.

He's married with a small daughter, chronically unhappy up to the point he rather doesn't go home for several days in row, his wife resents him for pretty weird reasons and literally everyone around agrees that divorce would be the healthy option for all, and especially the kid. He loves his kid, he talks rather well about his wife, but he admits things suck long-term. She is definitely holding on for the (financial) comfort and most likely because she doesn't know anything else (she has incredibly limited life experience). The divorce would be brutal due to financial ties and kid of course.

I'm not married but in 8 years of very up and down relationship that lacks any intimacy, have recently learned what the term "gaslighting" means and realised how bloody foolish I have been the whole time. Trying not to beat myself up over it and silently planning possible exit strategy that I'd like to execute in next half a year, unless something changes drastically and very fast.

We have spent hundreds of hours working together, side by side, in high stress environment and I went through it all. The attraction, the hardly controllable lust, the denial from my side, the first deepening of feelings, the flirt, the heavy flirt, denial and complete distancing for 2 months from his side (in obvious and failed attempt to work on his marriage - I totally pulled back and left him to it), the slow "hey, I miss talking to you", the explosion of want and need... And finally the realisation that after a year of this shitty ping-pong I'm just... In love.

I'm a bit socially awkward and totally struggle to judge into what level are my feelings reciprocated, but I do know I mean something to him for sure. I know he cares, I know he enjoys talking to me, I know he likes to work with me, I know he's flirting... But he's very hot and cold and that keeps me very unsure.

I'd like to ask the readers how should I proceed, although I know very well that the most realistic, adult and responsible solution is just to quit, forget and focus on something... Realistic. Right? Right. I'm not ready to do that. It's probably the potential I see. I never thought I'd meet someone who could be my missing part of Power couple. We could be fantastic together! Could be...

Now the time came we won't see each other for a month due to our holiday and today I was so, so ready to cheekily ask him out for drinks... But it was obvious that something happened at home as he was showing behaviours typical to when shit goes south with his wife. And I just couldn't bring myself to do it for the feeling I would put even more stress on him.

Well. I know that when there is something to say, silence is a lie. But have no clue how to play this one.

Oh and btw if some would be concerned about the impact on my career it could have in case things would go wrong - I really can't care less for quite few reasons. This is not valid here.

Thanks for reading and please, give me a piece of your mind, I'm desperate for different outlook.

TLDR: In love with my married boss, we both are unhappy in our relationships, no idea how to proceed.