Word. I used to deal with a lot of resentment towards my (loving, supportive) family because I thought they didn’t understand my needs, that they didn’t understand me.

After a lot lot lot of work with a fantastic therapist, I came eventually to realize that the problem was my struggles with communicating my needs. I was resentful because I had this expectation that they should just know what I wanted from them, but I never spoke up for myself or communicated openly or receptively.

So I started practicing that honest communication. I started practicing hearing people’s feedback, listening to it, and accepting it I practiced reminding myself that people can’t read minds- if I want my family to understand something that’s happening within me, it’s my responsibility to be vulnerable and share it.

Now, after years of practice and hard work, I don’t feel resentment or frustration toward my family about… anything. I feel forgiving and I feel capable of being myself around them, and I feel secure in the knowledge that if I tell my family I need something, they can hear it. They can’t always provide it but they care enough about me to at least be supportive.

I’m very fortunate in that regard, I’ll admit, but it was still a very difficult thing for me to realize and recognize.

Resentment and forgiveness can’t be flipped on and off like a switch. They’re muscles that need regular exercise. It’ll be hard at first but every day it gets a little easier.

Edit: another thing that helped me a lot was getting sober. I had some substance abuse issues that got in the way of a lot of this growth but with sobriety I was able to finally grow toward becoming the man I want to be.