OffusMax t1_jd0yljj wrote on March 21, 2023 at 1:05 AM

You have to make it very clear to your prospective romantic interests that you’re not interested in a friendship at the beginning of the relationship. “I’ve got enough friends, I’m not interested in adding another. I’m interested in being in a romantic relationship and it’s ok if you don’t want that with me. But if so, then I hope you have a happy life.”

You’re being honest by saying something like that and you’re not going to put a lot of effort into a friendship that is more likely to never be more than a friendship.

And frankly, you’re doing yourself and your girl friends a great disservice by continually getting into these friendships hoping to one pick up the girl. She broke up with a long time boyfriend; she needs time to get over the pain. She’s probably not in he mental space to be in a new relationship right now and needs time.

And hanging around a girl hoping to win her over is so stereotypical. Every girl has guys hanging around them Hopi to score one day it’s no wonder so many people think that men and women can’t be friends.

idi0t99 OP t1_jd1pxjy wrote on March 21, 2023 at 4:57 AM

I definitely appreciate the brutal honesty in your response. I should note that it wasn't necessarily my intention to establish a friendship before anything else. We met just before covid hit and I didn't know much about her personal life at that point. I never saw any indication that she had a boyfriend already and was planning to ask her out at the next happy hour (not work related). But, covid struck before that happened and we didn't reconnect again until everything settled and that's when I found out she had a boyfriend.

As I mentioned, I was fine being friends with her while she had a boyfriend because I genuinely enjoy her company and knew that nothing else would ever come of it because she had been in this relationship for so long. The only reason I made a move at all is because I didn't want to miss my opportunity by sitting on the sidelines. The fact that the breakup is so fresh means it was obviously a bad idea to ask her out and that's all on me.

I'm really just hoping we can move past this awkwardness because at the end of the day she's still the best person in my life regardless of our relationship status. I dunno, I can't help catching feelings for someone that I connect with on such a deep level, it's not like I meant for it to happen, ya know?