TIFU by being myself i guess?

Submitted by Dramatic_Fix_3577 t3_124r1y5 in tifu

So I (28m) in a longterm relationship rn and i really do love my gf (26f). But we have some different views at life. She wants to wait to have kids, a house etc and i can't wait to Start These Things and go into a New chapter in life. My best friend (28m) is in a relationship with a girl, lets call her Jessica that would be closest to "girl best friend" as possible for me. In school (10+ years ago) we kinda Liked each other, but never really Hit it of because we were kids & shy af.

So coming today. Jessica Hit me up to talk to me, because i knew of her Problems with her boyfriend. Well thats what i thought but boy was i wrong.. For me out of the blue, sie told me that she would like to be more than friends and that she has to Control herself for months to not give in to her desires.

Something inside me was bursting because of pure joy but then i realized what this would mean. I would have to ask myself a lot of questions I'm torn apart. Am I sure to reach the Things i want with my current gf? Are we doing the right Thing?

Do i still like Jessica (too much?). Is this really what she would want? Even if i liked her and she would cut Things with her current bf- how will i ever be able to Look him into the eyes? We are very close freinds and i a lot of groups together.

I am ging nuts oder this.

TL;DR my best friends girlfriend is in love with me and it messed me up

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lemonwitchie t1_je0jkcg wrote

Leave. Save the lady that you are with the pain of losing you and bits of herself later when you both figure out it is not going to work and that it never could no matter what each did. If you were committed, you wouldn't have looked at the other a second time. I don't mean to be harsh and I am not judging you.

As someone who was strung along for a decade with countless flings from the other party, I'd have preferred him to leave me in the beginning when there were doubts than the years I had spent thinking what can I do? How can I be better? I spent so much of my life with someone who never really did love me fully and neither of us are to blame. He wanted to, but he couldn't and eventually he found what he needed in another and that was our end. Save her and you from all that and leave.

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Altiverses t1_je0rjy6 wrote

Given the context we have, there's wisdom to this comment but nothing is guaranteed. Internet strangers can never get the full picture. And that also applies to my next point.

Adding onto OP though, that does not imply that getting it on with your friend's gf is the right choice even if you do choose to leave your current. She is more likely than not to just be a fling once the flames of desire die, but your friendships won't recover, probably with both herself and definitely her partner.

Also, you will be an absolute piece of shit.

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Dramatic_Fix_3577 OP t1_je9h9z8 wrote

Well getting closer with my friends gf is no viable option for me. I wouldn't be able to Look at myself in the mirror. The only Thing i know is that no matter what, i want to go on being friends with him.

I'm just f*ing confused.

No matter what i have to talk to my gf to speak about what we want and if we do have the same goals.

What i have to See for myself is:

  1. am i overreacting because 15 yo me would be happy af? Is this kind of attention something i am lacking?
  2. how should i behave towards Jessica after she breaks up with my friend w/o being unfair towards my friend and my gf
  3. what do i really want atm in life or is it something else im nervous about.

I am sorry, but guys - please don't interpret my writing too much. I am fighting against auto correction as i am not a native englisch speaker and i am writing the post and answers in the little free Time i have at work

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___Phreak___ t1_je0rniq wrote

So your current girlfriend wants to wait until you have a house before you bring children into your life, you don't want to wait and plan to house the future children where exactly?

Your girlfriend at least sounds sensible, and you, you sound like a moron

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Dramatic_Fix_3577 OP t1_je9f8go wrote

Well, i don't disagree that i am a moron. But i think i kind of misexplained the children/housing Situation.:

Just in my point of view i would really like to build a house / home and then have kids. Financially there wouldn't be a Problem.

My gf on the other hand doesn't know when she wants to have kids and when she wants to buy a house. She always says she can still get pregnant at 35 e.g. if she wants to but i'm worried what will Happen then and if she still even wants kids

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Nuggittz t1_je6o8y9 wrote

If you are asking yourself if you still like Jessica roo much, that in itself fully explains why your current GF is holding off on having kids/buying a house with you.

You need to figure out what you want, for your sake and hers. While it will most likely get messy, you all (you, your friend, and the GFs) need to sit down and figure out what you want. Because otherwise someone is getting hurt in this situation.

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Van_GOOOOOUGH t1_je358pb wrote

Such a shame that one little heart flutter could ruin the whole friendship group. Can't we all just get along?

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