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TheyCallMeGilly t1_je5syu6 wrote

There’s a lot to unpack here. First and foremost, I feel worse for your boyfriend than I do for you, just to get that out of the way. Is there a faster way to get into therapy? Are you love bombing your ex in hopes of getting a response or any sort of answer? If he really does say “enough, I’ve had enough and I don’t want to go through this anymore.” Have you thought of how you’re going to react? Or would react? Or would it be another episode? All of these are rhetorical, but those are the thoughts and questions that immediately come to me. There’s so much going on here, biggest suggestion I can make. Don’t drag your boyfriend down with you while you try to figure your mental health out, it’s really selfish and unfair. E

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[deleted] OP t1_je5ud4p wrote

I also feel worse for him than I do for myself. I can't get into therapy sooner, there's a waiting list. I don't consider the letter I wrote love bombing, I would post it here but it's in my native language so I don't think it would be useful. I've had others read it for me in advance (like my parents and friends) and I asked if it came across as begging or being manipulative and they said no. If he says he doesn't want to try again then I respect that and I will leave him alone. I just didn't want to live with the regret of not letting him know that I want to try again.

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hellzkeeper1216 t1_je5r3q3 wrote

You need to get a handle on your shit before you go into a relationship with somebody. It takes two to tango and yeah this time you realize how great he was to you but did you take into account his feelings? Is this going to be another thing you're going to have another episode and you're going to break up with them again? Don't ruin a great guy.

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[deleted] OP t1_je5uy38 wrote

I understand what you are saying and I don't disagree with you. I do want to say however that now I know that this is something I might experience again, I can recognize the symptoms, and I can inform my close circle that it's happening and that I might say thing that I don't actually mean. He actually has been very capable and willing to help me get through things like emotional outbursts and mood swings. During the breakup call he also mentioned that he didn't see/experience anything I mentioned in a negative manner. If it would be too much for him to try again, it would be solely because of this one incident. Which is very valid of course.

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Exciting_Telephone65 t1_je5y2ke wrote

This is not a carte blanche for you to "say things you don't mean". You need to take this seriously and start working hard on keeping this under control.

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[deleted] OP t1_je5zwlg wrote

Maybe I am taking your message too literally (if so I apologize), but I don't think it's fair to say that I am not taking it seriously. I obviously am, if I wasn't I wouldn't have written this post and done all the things I did since it happened. I didn't expect people to give me sympathy or whatever but I do find it kind of weird how the responses so far make it seem like I'm not taking accountability for my actions.

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vai-a-cagare t1_je63c7q wrote

As a fellow BPD patient, you can’t use BPD as an excuse to “say things you don’t mean” even if you warn people. By definition, we ARE manipulative, even subconsciously. If you make yourself or anyone else think that you’re just saying things because of an episode, you’ll use that as an advantage later. Maybe not on purpose, but I’ve done it myself. All you can do is apologize and say you’re not in a good spot mentally at the moment, and respect their decision, which you’ve said you’ll do. That means, not trying to justify the reason you did it, and not arguing against their feelings if and when they do respond. You’ll have to teach yourself to react differently and recognize symptoms. I was single for YEARS because I knew I had work to do, and now, through therapy with a counselor AND personal work, I can be a great partner and friend and family member. I recommend buying some DBT materials and BPD books while waiting for therapy, and doing a lot of internal work. Don’t try to do work based off things you read online! Online can be a terrible place to read anything about BPD, unless you know exactly what you’re looking for through a reputable source.

Best of luck to you, I hope things do work out in your best interest. If things don’t work out with this partner, perhaps take some time alone to work on yourself.

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[deleted] OP t1_je63yvt wrote

Thank you so much, I'm really happy to get a perspective from someone who understands. Maybe I do do things subconsciously. I really do actively try not to do things that are wrong. But maybe that just doesn't work enough.

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Jesse0100 t1_je5tdne wrote

Why are you starting therapy in June? What's wrong with today? Let this poor guy go and stop stop fooling yourself.

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[deleted] OP t1_je5tvvx wrote

The waiting list lol. Mental health care is not easily accessible where I'm from

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Chazus t1_je61tny wrote

What about online therapy? I've been using 7cups for years and have been very happy with it. It's also cheaper than most, too. I'm not sure what insurance you may or may not have.

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[deleted] OP t1_je62e1s wrote

I'm not from the US or anything but I see there's a version of that site in my own language, so this might be useful to look into. Thank you so much for the suggestion! :)

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thescrounger t1_je62n2e wrote

Maybe you need to seek treatment first

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SoulBombarded t1_je64gf1 wrote

From someone who also struggles with BPD, and has done the same thing to someone I loved and who loved me more; don't dump them over these "feelings" you get. You're overthinking, overwhelmed, and overall trying to push someone away because you're scared of someone knowing you and potentially, rejecting you, but not realizing that you will most likely be accepted, and cared for. Do it for you.

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