Hey there! It doesn’t sound like you cheated, per se, but you fell for someone else. But this is part of why we date someone for a while before getting married: sometimes this just happens. When you meet the right person, you won’t get distracted by others, or you’ll catch yourself right away and make the choice that your partner is worth the fidelity. I can understand your feelings of guilt and loneliness stemming from this situation, but I promise, this is normal and okay! You’re allowed to grieve, so let yourself feel your feelings. Attend counseling if you would like. Most importantly, understand that fuck-ups and breakups happen- and they nearly always suck. You’ll get through this one -even if it feels impossible right now- and you’ll get through the next. Try your best to not let it stop you from living your life to the fullest. Someone else is out there waiting for you to walk into the break room at your next job and share your story, become irresistible to them, and notice them too! Consider what you liked about each of these women, and take that into account when choosing the next partner. Learn from this situation that not everyone’s love language is the same - emotional intimacy is obviously high on your preferences and that sounds amazing! But it might not be everyone’s, so be cautious about misinterpreting their intentions. I’m sorry woman #2 ghosted you, but sometimes people can’t cope with what they consider a difficult situation for themselves. My last recommendation is that you start going out with friends or by yourself in low-pressure situations: mall shopping, lunch at a cafe, movies, etc, to get you comfortable with leaving the house and brief social interactions again. You got this!! I believe you’ll be back out there!! Be kind to yourself and good luck!!!