well, as far as advice for you, get this ex guy OUT of ur life. he/they are providing nothing for u. also, u know what ur personal problems are more than anyone. recognizing them and find a want to improve is the first step to getting better. humans are social creatures, and when a social contract/relationships trust is breached, the consequences are grave for those involved.

which coincidentally is also true for how you treated L. look, if you don’t deserve to be treated devilishly by your ex (and no matter what you think right now, u dont), L doesnt deserve to be treated poorly by you.

probably just focus on yourself for a while. its incredibly difficult if not impossible to have a healthy, intimate relationship if you are in a really bad place. take some time away from relationships to learn about yourself, your flaws and your positives.

best of luck,

• some random fucking stranger on the internet.

p.s.: be well