aussie_nub t1_iyamvit wrote
Reply to comment by [deleted] in TIFU by lying about my age by [deleted]
That's what I don't get. If he was 50 and she was 18. Sure no problem. 17 and 26 and it's a massive problem.
26 and 17 isn't as far apart as people pretend. 17 is basically 18 and at the bottom end of the immature young adult that's still learning the world... which lasts for most people until 24/25. He should be in a different phase of his life but some people are slightly older when they normally come out of that....
Except he's divorced and has a kid. He's well and truly past that point. That makes it a bit gross. It'd still be a bit weird even if she was 21 and not properly matured.
lionhearted_sparrow t1_iyb95ux wrote
No. They have to draw a line somewhere to decide people are old enough to make the decision for themselves. That doesn't mean it isn't creepy for them to be with someone with a huge age difference. It just means that by that age, we hope that they will know that themselves and not need an adultier-adult to intervene. Sadly, that's still not always the case.
There's a huge distinction between "this is the age where you can sleep with any age and it isn't gross" and "this is the age where we think your brain is developed enough to start making this decision for yourself."
It's not "age for sex" it's "age of consent."
aussie_nub t1_iybighc wrote
Ok then, why is someone that's 16 allowed to have sex with someone 18 but not 19 (at least where I am)? I understand there's a line that needs to be drawn in the sand, and that's a legal requirement, but people are talking about a moral one when they use words like "gross".
I stand by what I said. Mentally 17 year olds and 18 year olds aren't far apart, so either it's life stages that are the problem (which is valid, since they're clearly in different parts of their lives... but so are 50 year olds with 30 year olds) or it's just the numerical distance of the large gap.
lionhearted_sparrow t1_iycxscz wrote
Life stages are drastically different at shorter age distances the younger you go.
Developmentally, four months age difference in infants is a huge amount. The difference between someone in highschool and a nineteen year old is also huge. The amount of time that makes a difference gets larger as you get older.
But also you missed my point: it is in appropriate for someone in their 50s to pursue a teenager, no matter what side of legality they fall on, because there is an inherent power imbalance due to the experience differential that there is no way to overcome. That means that you can never actually be sure that it is consensual for the teenager (I can’t think of a single reason it would be), which makes it not okay, morally. Legally enforcing the nuance involved post-eighteen would be a nightmare, so instead we trust adults to self govern at that point. To make their own decisions to not be gross. And we rely on morals to gauge that and only enter consensual relationships.
aussie_nub t1_iyezjnd wrote
And yet, it happens all the time. Sugar babies are a thing now where women 18-24 pursue men that are much older. 30, 40, 50+.
[deleted] OP t1_iyc1i9a wrote
I love how so many people disagree with you. I am 18 and I am nowhere close to having the mentality of someone who's somewhat "adult" yet people think I should. Honestly we live in a shit society
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