Okay so first off, I hate to tell you this, but your current girlfriend is banging Matt Damon and literally everybody knows but you. At least you'll get a catchy song out of it though. As for this German girl, what you need to do is assemble your crew - a sarcastic asshole and maybe some twins - and head for Europe before this German chick gets on a cruise ship and you never see her again. Be careful with pot brownies that may not be put brownies, club vundersexx, eastern Europe, absinthe, accidentally making out with your sister, and tunnels. Other than that, don't worry, this is all gonna work out.