Proof-Tumbleweed-460 t1_j1ojh5j wrote on December 26, 2022 at 2:57 AM

Reply to comment by Bridazzles in TIFU: I molested the girl I like and now I don't know how to live with myself by Melodic-Spite-5918

I never said it was an excuse. For the millionth time bashing someone who’s seeking help because they clearly fucked up does absolutely nothing in the end. How does calling him out like a middle schooler make any difference ??

Proof-Tumbleweed-460 t1_j1ojo2t wrote on December 26, 2022 at 2:58 AM

We aren’t able to give him the professional help he needs nor are we able to intervene as law enforcement so at the end of the day the only thing we can do is recommend a way to move forward or are we just gonna stick with useless bashing?

Bridazzles t1_j1okwah wrote on December 26, 2022 at 3:10 AM

I get your point, but the way you’re coming across is a little pro-rape vibes. I was in a similar situation as she was, and I’ve never gotten over it. It ruined my life.

At the end of the day, he knew she had a past trauma about this, he allowed himself to get so drunk that he “couldn’t control himself.” (I don’t believe that.)

People turn into their real selves when they are drunk, and they VERY LEAST we know (by his own admission, so he probably left some stuff out) is that she asked him to stop, and he did not. That’s the kind of people who do terrible things, and he did. He probably ruined her life.

So? Does he need help? Absolutely! Because he has a problem. Like, a REAL problem. I think he needs to understand the damage he has done, but he doesn’t! He’s still taking up for himself in the comments! Bruh.

Proof-Tumbleweed-460 t1_j1om7bu wrote on December 26, 2022 at 3:22 AM

He’s trying to get perspective and there isn’t exactly a rulebook for how a man can make up for this so no I’m not pro-rape in any way but I’m not gonna be shit to him either. It’s not my place to judge him my opinion is irrelevant when he’s asking how to go about making up for it.

HyperactiveLapine t1_j1p3dsr wrote on December 26, 2022 at 6:21 AM

There isn’t a rule book because sexual assault isn’t something you can “make up for”. The fact you keep defending him is literally pro-rape. “Oh but he’s depressed! Oh but he was drunk! But he feeeeels baaaaaaaddd!!!”

Do you plan on telling your friends and family that have been sexually assaulted to “make up” with their abuser?? Genuinely asking because for someone that swears you’re not defending him you seem to be doing just that; defending him. He’s a grown ass man, not a child. He knew what he was doing was wrong. There’s no way he suddenly forgot that no means no and there’s absolutely no way he thought her slapping his hand away meant he should try again later.

Proof-Tumbleweed-460 t1_j1qtls2 wrote on December 26, 2022 at 5:49 PM

I despise him for what he did but people slamming him for not asking for consent are dense because being “too” drunk to make sound decisions is very much individually based. I could cut this guy down a million times for making the decision he did but that’s not my place or yours. He’s asking how to go forward and I did just that in an earlier comment.

Proof-Tumbleweed-460 t1_j1qt867 wrote on December 26, 2022 at 5:46 PM

I’ve said this a dozen times now, my intent is not to defend him whatsoever. My point was that he was too drunk to consider asking for consent and even if he did that he probably wouldn’t be able to stop because he was at that level of being drunk. HE IS BEYOND WRONG but I can’t arrest this dude in another country so at the end of the day I’m only gonna tell him how he should move forward rather than berate this guy and inch him closer to doing something he’s already considering.