I wanted to apologize to her but she did not want to hear an apology. She said to leave her alone so I did. While she hasn't blocked me anywhere, I am pretty sure she trusts me to just not text her and she has deleted me from various social media platforms, probably so that she doesn't have to see my name anymore which is understandable. As suggested in another comment, I will in due time prepare a formal and in-depth apology where I plan to detail what exactly I am sorry for (so as to make clear that I understand all of the mistakes that led to this) and where I will reassure here that she only has to read it if she some day decides to and that the apology letter does not mean that she will have to hear from me again. Stopping drinking is definitely something I will attempt and I have been thinking about other ways to move forward and better myself.