No, I don't want anyone to tell me I'm a good person or to show me sympathy. I have not done anything to take responsibility yet, an attempt at an apology is not taking responsibility, I know that. I open this thread to have a place to converse about it so that I could process it and gain perspective, because, to be perfectly frank, I had difficulty reflecting on the situation, all I was consumed by was the pain and the guilt and the feeling of not being able to make right. I still have all of these feelings, but the feedback I have been getting is encouraging me to better myself. I intend to stop drinking, not because "alcohol is at fault and that fixes the problem" but because I want to eliminate any and all risk factors that could lead to me becoming a liability again and also, though this is just a loose idea floating around in my head as of right now and I don't even know if or how I would go about it, but since I am a psychology student (not intending to become a therapist, don't worry) I was thinking that maybe, after graduating, I could focus my career on working on sexual assault prevention campaigns and studies so as to ensure that no others have to go through what I put her through.

Edit: I thought about prevention specifically because I think that is an area that is still scarily underdeveloped despite the obvious need for it and the research to base it on being there, but more importantly I would be choosing prevention because after what I have done I could not ever possibly feel comfortable working with victims who already had to suffer through it, even when I get to a point where I can be 100% sure that I won't be doing anything like this again.