Ouh boy. It's a pretty long story but: There was this other girl, also a close friend of mine, who had been in love with me for over a year by that point. She never outright told me until this year but I always knew because she was not especially subtle about it and constantly gave off hints that she has feelings for me. Eventually, I also developed feelings for her but because I was scared of commitment and because I knew how vulnerable she was and I was scared that I could hurt her I never confronted her about it and just...ran from it. She then shortly got together with her ex, which made me regret the whole thing. That's when Becky and I met. I ended up latching myself onto Becky for emotional support and I thought I was starting to like her, although looking back at it now, it's very likely I was just talking myself into it to distract myself and I tried to transfer my already existing, pretty strong feelings for that other girl onto Becky. She felt completely overwhelmed by it and rejected me, telling me that no matter what, she could never see me as a romantic prospect (though she told me that was not true this year, so it probably was just a coping response) and that she really likes me as a friend and does not know how to act around me now as she does not want to hurt me. The other girl and her boyfriend then broke up almost immediately again, I do not know why but I know that she had been conflicted about having feelings for me (a guy she thought would never give her a chance) and wanting to go back to her ex from the start so the possibility of me being the reason for their break up does exist I guess. Anyhow, she tried spending time with me again but I kept telling myself that I had moved on to Becky and because I came to regret giving up so quickly on that girl I got really fixated on not giving up on Becky so fast. We both did some bad things, we were constantly arguing when with our friends and although I do have to admit that I should have been more mature about it back then, her constant remarks about our fractured friendship, eg talking about movies or memes with our friends and then saying to me "You know, I would really like to show you but oh, we are keeping our distance from each other" made more angry at her, so we kept exchanging remarks like these back and forth. Eventually, I made a bet with my friends that she would develop feelings for another guy in that group (which did end up happening) and when she found out about it, she singled me out about it and broke off our friendship. She and him got together and he broke up with her a couple months later because he felt bored by her not being toxic enough (sounds like a joke but that's literally what happened). Hadn't heard from her since, until the end of last year when it just so happened that we started to slowly get in contact again through our mutual friends, but since then the contact between her and them slowly faded away so I was the last one of our friend group to be in contact with her. There's more to it but this is basically the gist of it.