I feel no sympathy for you. I know this will likely mean nothing to you, especially as I have made my disdain clear, but if you are truly remorseful for what you've done, never drink again. If you won't be punished by law, make something of yourself and this experience. Don't drink, and devote yourself to protecting women when possible. If she has to suffer through this, then you can use your privilege and experience to help other women and prevent this from happening to them. Also, seek therapy and don't harm yourself. However reprehensible your actions might have been, it won't solve anything. Rehabilitation is always the goal. I also suggest that you not contact her ever again, for her sake. It's the best thing you can do for her.