You are developing some mental illness due to what seems to be overwork. If you want to prevent it from progressing further, you need a break where you actively try to heal. Like maybe a couple of days of rest and deliberate stress reduction, then a few days of satisfying your needs like making sure you have a good social group, feel some pride in yourself and your lifestyle (like cleaning up yourself and your home) and maybe consider some light volunteering or something.

You seem really burned out and you have an opportunity and responsibility to address that. It won’t get better without actively fixing the issues (overwork, poor self care, weak social networks, etc),