Submitted by LostMyBunty t3_zcbcf8 in tifu
I'm an avid chili pepper grower, this season I've grown more than ever before, I grow mainly Chocolate Habanero and Trinidad Scorpion. If you're not a chili fan then all you need to know that these are punishingly spicy.
Due to having a bumper crop I've cleared out all of last year's sauces and oils to make room for the latest batch. Most went to friends and neighbours, but I had a batch of chili oil which was nothing but heat and trauma so, instead of passing it on, I poured around 5 litres of it down our toilet. Then I went out for coffee and cake with family, including my mother in law.
As you might know, french café toilets are often very sad places, so the fam came back to mine after coffee for a quick 'comfort break' before going for an autumn stroll.
My MIL dashed into the loo first, the coffee and Gauloise had powered through her and she must have unloaded a tremendous high-speed shit STRAIGHT INTO THE UNFLUSHED CHILI OIL.
The oil had splashed back and Poseidon's Kiss was causing grievous bodily harm to her ringpiece. We heard muffled swearing before she stumbled from the bathroom saying that she needed a sit-down.
Everyone thought that she was a bit drunk as she'd had cognac in her coffee but she was squirming in discomfort on the couch and eventually admitted that she had a nasty case of superhot ring sting.
It's now 3pm, MIL's used an entire bottle of calamine lotion and is crying upstairs, we didn't have our pleasant autumn walk on the Champs Elysees, my wife isn't talking to me, my FIL thinks it's hilarious and the entire family knows the workings of my snooty MIL's burning anus in intimate detail.
TLDR - burned my MIL's anus with riot-control grade chilli oil.