Submitted by zecariah t3_10jwjfw in tifu

I (21M) have been friends w a girl (21F), we’ll say Stella, since freshman year of uni. We grew pretty close. While I recognized she was objectively attractive, I was just never attracted to her like that. I really liked hanging w her, and in HS, I didn't have as many friends, so I was so fucking thrilled to have some.

I was a virgin when I met her and knew I needed female friends. Bc I met her within the 1st week of uni, I thought we should just be friends. After three years, I never regretted that decision. I even really liked her BF, who I hung out w just for fun. We would regularly go get food and talk shit ab Stella (lovingly).

FF to last weekend, senior year. (I know not today, but two days ago) I broke up w a long-time GF a month back. Ab 2 weeks after that, Stella got dumped too. We've been really close since bc we've been venting ab ex BS w each other. 

Friday night, we went to the bars, ran into exes, got fucked up w Stella & roomies.

Then Sat a.m., I realize Stella left her phone, wallet, and keys. Luckily, she got home safe, so I deliver her shit. Then Stella is like, "down to day drink?" And I was feeling awful bc a heated text exchange that a.m. resulted in me finally blocking Ex. So I said, "plz...pt.2!?"

We get some beers and drink at my place. We were pretty drunk well before bar time. So she says we should take a power nap. As soon as we lay down, she's all over me. Mind u, we've platonically slept side by side a lot--especially drunk. We often tend to enable each other's drinking so we always have to crash at each others' places. There has never been any awkwardness from this. I could tell she was feeling flirty, but she's known to do that just for fun.

She hops on top of me rq. Like, I was tryna nap, and she is now on my dick. But I was drunk and like "maybe she j feelin silly." Then she's flirting heavy. She grabs my hands and puts them on her ass. So I say, "u have a lil crush on me, huh?" She says yes. And then for a while, I get her off my lap to talk. I don't feel the same, but I’ve thought about it and didn’t want to crush her. I say it’s a bad idea for us to date, but still things escalated. "We don't gotta date, just fuck" I think she said. I've had about 8+ drinks at this point, so I'm fuzzy. 

She undid my pants and gave me a bj. But drunk dick + 1st sex since ex + this was my friend = no boner. But then we make out. Finally get hard. We have some dysfunctional sex for a few minutes–lost wood. Honestly, Idek why I fucked. I've never even fantasized about her.

But I would have guessed she had fantasized. She was all over me, eager, and vocal about her enjoyment.

But she woke up the next morning naked and confused. She had blacked out. She had no recollection of any foreplay or sex. We had stopped drinking shortly after we went to my room. I showered. And when she crashed, she didn't crash like a ton of bricks. She woke up and responded to me coherently whenever I asked her something. I think the reason she got so drunk so fast was bc she might have still been intoxicated from the prior night by the time she started drinking again.

Her energy was off in the morning, but I never even imagined that she was totally blacked. She didn't tell me she blacked either. I was sure she remembered her aggressive initiation of sex, that seemed to be something she wanted to do for a while from what she said. I thought she was embarrassed that she admitted some of her feelings for me. But now I think she was just terrified that she had no idea what happened.  

She filled me in over text. I texted her all the big details. She said “we’ll laugh ab this someday.” She guaranteed me we were cool bc I apologized profusely. Now I'm blocked. And I hate myself.

To be fair, I have thought she blocked me once before, but she just went to the Mental Hospital. But still. Best case , my friend isn't responding bc inadvertently gave her so much stress she put herself in inpatient.

The worst part is she has a history of being taken advantage of while passed out, so she’s def scared I took advantage of her while asleep. This is the worst fucking part. I understand her reaction, but I’m angry. We were both wasted, lonely, horny, and emotionally vulnerable. But she jumped me and I caved. And now I feel like I SAed my best friend. And it doesn't matter what I tell her bc all she knows is she blacked out hanging out w me and ended up naked.

​

tl;dr: One of (if not my) best friend(s) seduced me while we were drunk. But it turned out her sexual impulsivity may have been motivated by the fact that she was blackout. She woke up spooked that she didn't remember why she was naked w one of the few men she trusts. Now my texts don't deliver. And I've been sobbing all night.

75

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

capt_scrummy t1_j5nblul wrote

That sucks. Unfortunately, booze and hormones have fucked up many a friendship... If she assured you things were ok, and in the past she has blocked messages during a time of duress, then probably the best thing to do is assume that she needs some space to take stock of everything. If she has emotional issues that have gotten her committed in the past and she's going through it now, it may be best to give her that space for the time being. Also, if she was that drunk, she would have no doubt been terribly hungover, and maybe needs a couple days convalescing to get back to normal.

PSA for everyone reading this: if a friend is coming onto you really hard despite never showing interest in you before, and they are quite drunk, don't do it. Especially if you're a dude and she's a chick. We all do dumb stuff when we're drunk. Emotions get weird, we do or say things we don't mean... So, if all of a sudden out of nowhere they're all over you, it could be the booze talking. Best thing to do in my experience is say that you're both drunk, or even just say it's you, and try to get them to stop. If they're on full blackout and don't or barely remember it, that's great; if they do remember it, well, it's better to have a conversation about it sober, form sure.

In any case, hope you guys are able to work through it and continue on as friends 🍻🙏

44

Dry_Possibility_1389 t1_j5ncjbf wrote

You didn't really do anything wrong imo. It's just a bad situation. Hopefully she'll be okay and rethink the amount she drinks in future. I don't say this to victim blame her because I don't think what you did counts as sexual assault, but it's not wise to drink so much that you blackout.

12

zecariah OP t1_j5nnl9u wrote

Ill update ya. I think im also not the most mentally healthy as u might have gauged. So who knows? Maybe shes just focusing on herself or inpatient. I could be manic and paranoid for not taking her word. I hope.

But yes. Great advice ab the booze. 🤧 im workin on it. She has as well, but neither of us are the most mentally healthy ppl ngl. Still, at least both of us have taken steps to address our issues. Even if we stumble a lot on our self improvement.

17

asdsav t1_j5o7dgv wrote

I really dont understand how can someone able to decide to have sex yet they hate other partner for accusing them abuse. I mean I drunk many alcohol and used many drugs. There is no way I am having sex without being aware of it. I know people have different reactions but at least you must be aware that you cant control yourself when drunk. Ofc it might not black and white but I think its never one sided unless its rape.

−3

DDR4lyf t1_j5ob2jd wrote

It sounds like neither of you were in the right headspace to consent to what you both did. Give her space, I'm sure she'll talk to you about it when she's ready. I imagine it's going to be a difficult conversation for both of you and I hate to say it, but I really doubt your friendship is going to be the same after this. I'm not sure you guys are "cool" either. I think she probably said that because she's hurting about potentially losing a friendship over this too. I don't think either one of you is more at fault than the other, it sounds like you've both gone through some emotionally heavy stuff recently and this is how it's manifested. Be upfront with her when you guys eventually talk about it, you owe her that. You probably shouldn't have done what you did, but alcohol and the emotional vulnerability of going through recent breakups will make you do dumb shit. I think telling her that you were both not yourselves at the time is the best course of action. It still doesn't excuse what happened, but hopefully it'll help her see that her friend didn't mean for it to happen. I can't even begin to imagine how shit you must feel rn. I'd be beyond devastated if this happened between me and my best female friend. I think you probably need some time to process all of this as well. I hope you guys can work through this and come out better for it at the end. Wishing you the very best during this difficult time

1

spunX44 t1_j5oq1dw wrote

Good lord is this how kids talk nowadays?

−1

[deleted] t1_j5orz30 wrote

booze definitely fuck some things up, but you did nothing wrong. Even drunkenly she came on to you, it sounds like she’s just taking a step back! As long as she holds no I’ll will toward you I’d say no harm done!

0

zecariah OP t1_j5pdt5u wrote

I know i didnt rape her rape her. She was awake, aware of what she was doing, and happy ab it. But ur right. That doesnt matter bc in her eyes, she was hanging out w a friend and then she woke up naked. I get what ur saying. Imma have to j wait to see if shell ever call me to get my honest acct. Think that would do more than texts to show her the full picture

3

sinofmercy t1_j5qf28b wrote

I remember one time my BFF (blonde girl same age as me) and I were both in ruts after horrible breakups in college. We made it a thing to go to Applebee's and get sloshed on the weekends, where people would make comments like we were such a cute couple. This was a weekly thing to pass the time which was better than moping alone.

One time though she said something along the lines of "you need to get more drunk so I can take you back to my place and take advantage of you." My eyebrows shot up so fast and I was absolutely flabbergasted because despite some intermittent flirting between us over the years there has never been a crossing out of the very deep friend zone both of us had each other in. Nothing happened, I brushed it off, and we moved on. She got married, I got married, and she was my best (Wo)man. Definitely better that the line was never crossed, even if the opportunity was there.

4

Raspberry-hole t1_j5s3tri wrote

if you are drunk/your partner is drunk, number one rule is alcohol equals no consent.

2

blueblueblue432 t1_j5sy0nf wrote

To be honest I think deep down she should know she initiated. Maybe she's trying to save face. But if she truly doesn't remember then that's a bad situation. Either way I feel for you. Don't feel like you did anything wrong

7

zecariah OP t1_j5ua3pu wrote

I fucking wish she remembered that shit. But honestly its possible that her drunk words werent sober thoughts in this situation. Maybe she was j wasted and horny, so she tried to hook up w the nearest body in her proximity. However, i vaguely remember telling her “i thought u might feel like this,” and then explaining that i was worried she was developing a crush bc highkey there were lil signs all over. But seems like she didnt expect to try and hook up bc im def blocked on everything. Or shes j ghosting for space. Maybe shes embarrassed. Idfk. But ive been feeling sick ever since.

2

Numbah313 t1_j5w8got wrote

She put your dick in her mouth after you said you didn’t think it was a good idea. And now you’re claiming you broke her trust? People should just be adults and own up to their actions. You were more drunk than she was.

2

blueblueblue432 t1_j6786xc wrote

I honestly think she's trying to save face because she knows that you're not into her as much. I say that as a girl. I hope she unblocks you though and your friendship can work out. I wouldn't expect anything, or try to force it. She may find it easier to distance herself. Sorry that this happened. You were just trying to be nice.

1

Rabrab123 t1_j6alems wrote

She practically raped you. You did nothing wrong.

1