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Algae_Sucka t1_jdss0w0 wrote

Meanwhile pigeons are rotund and polite birds yet people call them the sky rats

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godsenfrik t1_jdsuj62 wrote

Maybe they should be called sky squirrels instead.

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Algae_Sucka t1_jdsxn9x wrote

That’s perfect. They still shit all over the place, but youre still happy to see them

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Vulpes_Irae t1_jdt4smd wrote

Happy to see pigeons or squirrels? I am not happy to see pigeons, but I do like squirrels

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ponycomplete t1_jdt9h3u wrote

Squirrels seem cute right up until when they try to chew their way into your house.

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TheProtoChris t1_jduiz9x wrote

Honestly, they're even cute when they're doing that. Jerks.

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wagnus_ t1_jdve16m wrote

exactly. the audacity to be so mischievously adorable

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06Wahoo t1_jdtf5zi wrote

Speak for yourself. Too many holes chewed in things and bird seed spread around that is not being eaten by birds. Squirrels can just go see you instead.

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Pope_Cerebus t1_jdt0566 wrote

Rats are actually quite nice and social animals, so that checks out.

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Algae_Sucka t1_jdt0lz0 wrote

Maybe "sky rat" is actually pretty fitting. Both pigeons and rats are polite and rotund

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natnelis t1_jdupp5p wrote

And yet we still see them as rats/sky rats.

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theserpentsmiles t1_jdt9te5 wrote

No they aren't. They are bully birds just like geese. If there is food, they push out all smaller birds, aggressively.

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ViolettaHunter t1_jdulhsq wrote

Every single bird on the planet does that though.

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CulturedClub t1_jduxfit wrote

Every animal on the planet does that. The fish in my fish tank have a feeding hierarchy.

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Ksradrik t1_jduudlh wrote

Humans do too, I beat up elementary school kids for their lunch every tuesday.

On thursdays I choose between kindergartens and orphanages.

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MerkinMites t1_jduz3os wrote

> >On thursdays I choose between kindergartens and orphanages.

Therein lies your problem; neither kindergartens or orphanages are known for their satisfying portion sizes.

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FishAndRiceKeks t1_jdt7zpu wrote

Because they are disgusting disease spreaders like wild rats. Great as pets apparently but no thanks to wild ones.

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Rekuna t1_jdulz92 wrote

All the filthy, nasty looking pigeons are the ones that live in cities, among us. Telling really.

The big fat clean ones that aren't in cities are super cute though.

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Admetus t1_jduml4m wrote

Woodpigeons. They are gorgeous cute things.

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ViolettaHunter t1_jdulkj0 wrote

Pigeons don't actually spread diseases at a higher rate than other birds. It's just a persistent myth apparently.

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zeekoes t1_jdv1eu9 wrote

Both rats and pidgeons aren't more dirty or disease ridden that other wild animals. Rats are actually really good at keeping themselves clean.

Both animals are however adapted to human civilisation and present in large numbers. This causes more contact between these animals and humans and thus many more instances in which disease can spread.

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Dweebil t1_jdv2xvm wrote

Sea gulls are shithawks where I come from. It fits.

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NFTY_GIFTY t1_jdssybk wrote

They stole my hot dog on the boardwalk when I was 8. I shall never forgive them and we will always be sworn enemies.

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altredditaccnt78 t1_jdtbu61 wrote

They stole my grapes out of my hand on the beach. I as well have not forgiven them

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DjuriWarface t1_jdvndte wrote

Under the boardwalk...

Is where I'd bury all of the seagulls.

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WilliamMorris420 t1_jdsv468 wrote

>5. Seagulls will explode if they eat Alka-Seltzer

>There’s a long-held belief that if you feed a seagull an indigestion tablet, they will violently explode in a ball of feathers. The alleged science behind this theory is that seagulls are unable to pass wind, and the indigestion remedy therefore causes a volatile build-up of gases in the seagull’s stomach.

>However, there’s a major flaw in this pseudo-science. A bird’s diet may not require them to pass wind, but this doesn’t mean they aren’t equipped to do so. Also, gulls are experts at regurgitating their food, and could easily evict an Alka-Seltzer from the stomach if they found themselves in discomfort.

>Consider this myth well and truly busted.

But has anybody actually fed them one, especially when it starts fizzying up inside of their stomachs?

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kthulhu666 t1_jdspy65 wrote

TIL Earth is nature's Froopyland.

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Pixote23 t1_jdsjb4q wrote

Flying rats

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VanAgain t1_jdsjsgq wrote

Shit-hawks

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AnthillOmbudsman t1_jdt22tw wrote

Bubbles, they come flying in late at night when there's a supershitmoon and the shit waves start rolling in. They swarm the beach and drag everyone off to the big shit abyss.

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widdrjb t1_jdsm0xl wrote

I saw a video of one swallowing a whole pigeon today. Horrible bastards.

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horkus1 t1_jdstr57 wrote

I’ve only seen a video of one swallowing a live rat. Barf.

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snave_ t1_jduitto wrote

I saw one ingest a half eaten chicken leg a few weeks back. Chippy thief just grabbed the abandoned leg in its beak, looked up, and deep-throat choked down the whole leg bone -- and all the gristly shit attached -- like a magnum dong.

People say you cannot see expressions or emotion on a bird's face. I disagree. A minute later I saw avian regret. There are simple physical constraints that can only be overcome in a non-Euclidean stomach. This however was not the Tardis but a mere mortal beach chook. It hobbled a bit and then awkwardly and with obvious physical distress and difficuity, asymmetrically stumble-flew away into an empty lot.

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Xploited_HnterGather t1_jdspm2p wrote

I want to see.

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Pope_Cerebus t1_jdt0fng wrote

Also, the one where a gull ate a live rabbit whole. These things are frightening.

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liarandahorsethief t1_jdsrod9 wrote

“Honey, I’m home! And I brought dinner!”

“Thanks babe, but I’m not really that hungry.”

“Well okay, go get the kids, tell them it’s dinner time.”

“…”

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floorya t1_jdt11yu wrote

I saw a seagull kill and eat a pigeon one time in santa cruz. Other than seeing a dude with a green mohawk poop on a cop car. It was the most metal thing I've ever seen.

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[deleted] t1_jdt8osw wrote

[deleted]

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NanditoPapa t1_jduxe0u wrote

At least there's ONE bird species that likes their young...

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dinoroo t1_jduz1fw wrote

Geese will defend even the thought of their unhatched young, from an army of tanks.

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Tacarub t1_jdvctsi wrote

Sussshh susshhh .. war is over for you baby ..

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Tai-Pan t1_jdttfgd wrote

A few years ago I used to work for the National Park Service in San Francisco. I was teaching a lesson with a visiting boy scout troop on the coast when a seagull jumped on the back of a pigeon scavenging on the beach, the seagull then proceeded to rip into the living pigeon by pecking into its back. Many scouts started crying asking if there was something we could do to save the pigeon, all I could do was shrug and say "It's the circle of life." Inwardly I was pretty shocked at how savage seagulls can be. They don't fuck around.

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a_white_american_guy t1_jdsxnpv wrote

I watched one of these idiot fly straight into a stop sign in front of a clam window at old orchard beach. BANG and then it fell to the ground. Me and everyone else in line went to check out the embarrassed moron and poured water on its beak for a few minutes. After a few he got up, stumbled around, vomited, and then flew away.

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0thercommunitymember t1_jdt1ua8 wrote

"...are cannibals and often eat seagull chicks, even their own."

But obviously not nearly enough of them. Fuck!

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Fightshrubb t1_jdto52c wrote

I live on the beach and have seen some seagulls go toe to toe with pelicans and get swallowed up like a tic tac.

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Eviltechnomonkey t1_jdtxdvb wrote

So, you're saying their even bigger assholes than we originally knew.

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Jules6146 t1_jdtcai3 wrote

Oh geez the wiki, “Gulls have unhinging jaws which allow them to consume large prey.” Here I thought they just ate chips and ate crabs they dropped on rocks.

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enakj t1_jdsvce4 wrote

Spoiler alert:

At the end of the movie The Lighthouse, seagulls are eating the abdomen of a barely alive, but still alive, man. Is there a basis in truth for this, or complete fiction?

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GreatCaesarGhost t1_jdtfxnp wrote

It’s a reference to Zeus’s punishment of Prometheus, who was chained to a rock and had an eagle eat his liver every day (which healed overnight).

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enakj t1_jdu1iz4 wrote

Thanks! Zeus was, ah, creative.

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ilikeitneat t1_jdsxzui wrote

The seagulls in Marseille are famous for eating the rats

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Jindujun t1_jdt0bzh wrote

seagulls are brutal. A few years ago i saw a small flock of jackdaw fighting with a small flock of seagulls. The jackdaw were attacking the seagulls trying to defend a young chick and one of the larger seagulls rushed in, swallowed the chick and then the seagulls flew away with the jackdaws in pursuit. Never seen anything like it, but it was awesome.

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yellehs4u t1_jdtfald wrote

Sea vultures. Absolutely greedy birds!

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guesswhodat t1_jdtvrs5 wrote

Seagulls are fucking disgusting birds just like petrels and skuas.

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kingslidey t1_jdsmqm1 wrote

Those birds have no respect!

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ConstantlySlippery t1_jdsqun8 wrote

I know a bit about seagulls, and I assure you….

Seagulls have absolutely no fucks to give.

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_who_is_they_ t1_jdsrjem wrote

Rats of the sky, they make pigeons look like goldfish.

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Kedoobz t1_jdsucl0 wrote

Wait till you find out about… well, most animals.

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Bobrakis t1_jdsx5g9 wrote

A seagull once stole my wallet and I've never forgiven them.

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Fightshrubb t1_jdto966 wrote

I am sorry. Did you contact the authorities?

Sea something, say something.

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MoreGull t1_jdsz2pu wrote

These seagulls sound like some characters.

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Daveezie t1_jdt2m4a wrote

As a father, i get it.

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Roook36 t1_jduw322 wrote

They're all on the seagull diet

They'll see a gull, they eat it

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hazemelmasri69er t1_jdv498x wrote

A while back around 2008 my family went for a trip to greenwell point on the NSW south coast and we witnessed a flock of 20 or so eat a grown man .

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grameno t1_jdt7jhs wrote

Lots of animals eat their young. especially if they are sick or a danger to the other young.

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cheezfreek t1_jdtuqr0 wrote

What do you want? Kids can really get annoying. If you have a better solution, I’d like to hear it.

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Ralinrox t1_jdtznhe wrote

Just cause I like fuckin doesn’t mean I want you *gulp *

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Branathon t1_jducfms wrote

Most carnivores/omnivores will eat just about anything that can fit in their mouth if desperate enough, including their own species, or even their own young.

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Due_Platypus_3913 t1_jduds7z wrote

Spent my life around them.Voracious and unstoppable.They are beautiful and incredibly strong.They really are the fittest to be the dominant species of seabirds.But then , EVERYONE gets shat directly upon by them at some time.For me,eating lunch st the outdoor tables in 4th grade.I threw up, and never heard the end of it.

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Citizenfishy t1_jduepbp wrote

I live above a harbour and every year a nest appears on my roof. That’s no sleep for us for 3 months as they shout and scream constantly. Then the young drop down into my garden and are fed by vomit on the patio. My cat has to spend the summer inside as the adults will do him over at the slightest provocation.

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Adh1434 t1_jdui4le wrote

I’ve seen a seagull eat a smaller bird. I did not know they did that up till that point. From that point forward I’ve never forgotten what I’ve seen. That seagull just picked up this little bird and then down it went.

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soggyblotter t1_jduk4ae wrote

I mean just look at that face. Fucking cold blooded

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ProtonPacks123 t1_jdukqee wrote

The worst thing about the cunts is that all species of gull are protected in the UK so technically you're not allowed to take a swipe at them as they dive-bomb your chips.

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Chris_NeedsALogin t1_jdul9aa wrote

I live near the coast and have a flat part to my roof, under which is my home office.

I’ll often hear a sort of rag doll thumping above my head, followed by the trickle sound of sticks bouncing off slate.

It’s the Gulls, tearing apart a dead one of their own. I’ll find the bones on the ground a few weeks or months later.

Vicious creatures. Although Bird Flu appears to have decimated their numbers.

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missiongiraffe t1_jdun1e8 wrote

I once saw a seagull eat a pigeon whole, while the pigeon was still alive. It just opened its beak and chomped, you could see the pigeon wriggling in its neck. This was in Glasgow, it’s haunted me ever since.

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Peakomegaflare t1_jduou0n wrote

Rats with wings. That's what Seagulls are.

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bleunt t1_jduqib8 wrote

Natural selection, you're drunk. Go home.

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danpluso t1_jdurpct wrote

Even cute little budgies (and probably other parrots) are known to do this if their nutritional requirements aren't met.

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badnewsbeers86 t1_jdus9iv wrote

One more reason to hate these rude fuckers

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The_River_Is_Still t1_jduu5tm wrote

Sorry son, but dad’s reeeeally hungry. This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.

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KRONKCHEF t1_jduwelg wrote

I've watched seagulls down adult pigeons. Too many times if I'm honest. I hate seagulls

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SweetExpletives t1_jduzb46 wrote

You can keep a gull as a pet, but you don't wanna live with a sea bird, okay? 'Cause the noise level alone of those things... Have you ever heard a gull up close? It's gonna blast your eardrums out, dude!!

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Jjpiv t1_jdv1hc1 wrote

Seagulls….stop it now

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DarkChimera t1_jdv1n9i wrote

they're brutal. I was watching this tiny little gosling walk around with it's parents. There were lots of adult geese, but this was the only gosling left. tiny little grey ball of fluff.

Then out of nowhere a seagull swooped down, grabbed the gosling and flew off. The parents were running around panicked. It took me a few minutes to find out where the seagull went. It was a bit further away, eating the newly deceased little baby gosling.

This happened in front of two little kids too, who were just as enamored by the little gosling as I was.

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hellcat_uk t1_jdv396y wrote

Saw a sparrow hopping along the pavement past a herring gul that was pecking at something in the road.

In one quick flick it turned and grabbed the sparrow, and chugged it before flying off.

Damn nature, you scary.

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Pandahobbit t1_jdv3i2s wrote

Having fed these things Turkey legs bits, I already knew this.

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Buerostuhl_42 t1_jdvc88g wrote

There is a video out there of a seagull swallow a whole, grown rabbit.

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orvalax t1_jdvfsjf wrote

Gotta get that extra protein.

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payeco t1_jdvhawx wrote

I once watched a seagull eat a pigeon in San Francisco. It just snapped it up out of nowhere.

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MongolianCluster t1_jdvp8ci wrote

Some people like to watch the waves. I like to watch the seagulls steal people's food.

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foofoodyne t1_jdvv19u wrote

Eating one's children is just good economics, lol

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Chance-Ad-2284 t1_jdx0o9k wrote

I will always choose pigeons or crows over seagulls. Seagulls are loud, cannibalistic, obnoxious animals. They scream every hour of the day with their shitty screams. It doesnt matter whether it is dark or the middle of the day.

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NAP_42_ t1_jdxd5i8 wrote

Don't fucking even look at my chick! I will defend it with my life and attack anyone near! Two minutes later: hmm starting to feel a bit hungry. That chick looks tasty

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teotronix t1_je4ulrj wrote

one time i saw a pile of dead geese at the dump and several bloody-headed seagulls absolutely shredding them to pieces. might as well have been a pack of hyenas, they were fighting over organs and making gutteral noises before plunging their entire heads into the geese to tear out another bite....they'll also eat big crabs by flying them up and dropping them onto parking lots or rocks or cars or whatever hard surface it takes to incapacitate the crab just enough so they can flip it over, rip its claws off like little paper towels and turbo peck out the insides. never turn your back on a seagull

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PickledPokute t1_jdut048 wrote

People might be surprised, but this eating their own chicks has clear evolutionary advantages. Seagulls have no pockets or ability to create and carry bags or backpacks in able to carry provisions. Thus rather than spend time, energy and points evolving those traits, they instead opted for another solution. The seagulls get pregnant and thus can carry more nutrition during a long journey. After challenging and long travel, at the destination, or even midsea provided they find a suitable piece of floating styrofoam or driftwood, they give birth to a chick and ingest their essence. This also has the extra advantage of being more aerodynamic compared to other solutions.

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skarmorr t1_jdv5lx4 wrote

Think before you post stuff.

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PickledPokute t1_jdv6z0y wrote

I'll let you know I spent a non-trivial amount of effort to make the post believeable on the surface while being outlandish and absurd when thought through even a little past it.

Should I have gone for something even more absurd or tried to make it an even more obvious of a joke?

1