One time in college I was walking my drunk ass home and decided to get a slice of pizza. While paying I see the back screen door of the joint swinging open just a crack, then 1, 2 and then 3 raccoons scamper across the floor.

They didn’t even look around. They knew exactly what they were doing. I slur something like “dude, yer getn robbed” and this dude turns around the bandits freeze in their steps and look at us like children caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

Dude just calmly says “guys, hey, come on.”, and they still don’t move. He walked over to the door, opened it, and said “out”. The raccoons just kind of looked at each other and then slowly walked back out the door.

Buddy walks back over to me shaking his head “fucking trash pandas”.

Apparently they lived in the alley out back and were usually pretty chill. The pizza was maybe a 7/10.