Hopefully you weren’t wearing a white shirt, if you know what I mean

Am I tho only one who read the title quickly and saw “trying to make candied orgies”?

He’s a direct report, not an erect report

> Black was 8 inches and up

Oh, I get it, because black dudes have the biggest penises

> they demanded hundreds of dollars

You should call them back and be insulted, say the pic is worth at least a thousand dollars

You didn’t send nudes to a dead guy. You sent nudes to a guy who was alive, but now is dead. Big difference!

There is only one option, write a term paper on furry porn for this class to tie everything together

Holup:

> I was visiting my friend's house

but

> I am now currently awaiting his response

If you friend is not at his house, who or what exactly are you visiting there?

> from my pretty classmate

This made me read the rest of the post in a sexual manner (gooey stick mess, prickly hole, cream dripping, licking the stick, etc)

Yet another reason to go digital. You won’t stab your foot with a pencil anymore! (You might impale yourself on your WiFi set up, tho)

Prediction: you will not be Customer of the Month

You got me good, OP! With the mentions of coffee and creamer in the title and with the way the posts in this sub go, I was certain that I was going to read about you shitting (1) yourself and/or (2) all over a public restroom. How wrong I was!

Was anyone else like me expecting this post to be sexier, based on the title of the post, and then even through most of the text of the post about the husband giving her a sausage? Anyone?

> pay $100 to get laid

Yeah, that was the first red flag, at that price either it would be a scam or it would be terrible sex

“Nice leggings!”

“I’m not wearing leggings.”

“In that case, nice legs!”

When you return the bike, say that it turns out you are unable to stand on the pedals and need to sit for long periods to rest your ass from all the anal sex you have without lube, and watch their reaction. It may be so awkward for them that they give you a full refund just to get you out of the store.

> butt fucked in the ass

To be fair, where else would you be butt fucked?

OP will be lifting his penis tonight thinking about the gym crush, until he makes the next move

> such as travel time not being compensated

Shit, I first read this too quickly and saw “such as time travel not being compensated” and thought you have the best job ever

Did you get takeout of the same type of food you tried to cook? Or a different cuisine?

Your goal should be to at least find a different reason for this new account to be banned

Next time fuck a doughnut like normal guys. (I hear that glazed doughnuts are the best...)

Getting caught masturbating by your brother is better than getting caught masturbating to your brother

Dude, lean into this!!! Go buy glue and use everything you bought on making the birdhouse...that’s birdhouse will be decked out and your neighbor will be jealous

> she said something came up

Actually it sounds like something came down...her throat