BoomTheBear86
BoomTheBear86 t1_j6mi8dt wrote
Next time he does this (flips the script when you bring up an issue or something) just end the call / means of communication abruptly.
When he asks what happened, just straight up say “I wanted to talk to you about something with me, and you are turning my attempts to seek support from you into a focus instead on yourself. It doesn’t make me feel supported, and as that’s what I wanted from you, I figured the conversation wouldn’t help me.”
If he defends what he did with any “but you” then end that communication again, repeating the same reason if he asks.
Unless you give him consequences for when he does this, he won’t learn.
It’s okay to use our own experiences to empathise, but you should usually do some form of acknowledging the others experience first, and then making it clear why you’re about to offer your own analogy. Downright dismissing your experiences as “not as bad as mine” is actually a manipulative tactic often employed by gaslighters and the like (reversing the script and swapping who is the offender and who is the victim).
BoomTheBear86 t1_j6o56ey wrote
Reply to I 29M Messed up with someone 27F I was talking to and I don't know how to correct the course by [deleted]
You take the L here and learn from it.
Don’t idealise people, and don’t let your feelings run away with. What you feel isn’t what she feels.
To you, this was a once-a-lifetime-opportunity and perfect connection. To her it could have been a guy she seems to be clicking really well with but she’s just got out of a relationship with a really neurotic guy so she’s a bit wary.
You let your projection of feelings for her cause you to overplay your hand because you were largely thinking of what the interactions meant to you instead of balancing that with what they may mean to her. Take people as they come, not as you feel they might be. She told you she’s bad at texting and you still went for her over her lack of texting after that and ultimately sabotaged yourself because you got in your head too much (like being aware of her activity on socials whilst tracking her text progress with you, that signals you were really giving a lot of attention and thought to what she was doing).
Loosen up a bit, learn, and use the lessons to handle the next time like a champ.