This isn’t as big of a fuck up as you may think Op. Some diagnosis’ aren’t given for years because of neglect, but in your case you already had a lot to be dealing with.

You had kids to care for, a husband to keep from blowing a tantrum, household chores and maybe more. It takes a lot to realize that a relationship isn’t healthy, and you did that before your daughter and other children ended up having to grow up with that.

What matters most is that you caught this when you did, and that you’re trying to help your kids now. I can assure you that you’re already doing better than many other parents out there. Thank you for that, Op.

Best not to drag things out and admit the truth. You were caught off guard with his confession, so it’s better to admit that than to keep being in a relationship with someone you only see as a friend.