Perhaps he was hand-passed the pizza by the staff, we'll never know :)

Its defenetly a setback, sorry to hear it. Perhaps file a police report just for documentation, might come handy if anything comes up.
From now on get a bank account and get out of there asap, still improvement.

Btw "where its usually kept" - is there anywhere else it could be?

Curious, what did you propose, OP? Decrease the expectations for these facilities and accept management wont get so much? We all dream of that;) actually, the way it accidentally happened, is about the best way you could express yourself. Now you've vented without any liability (cause accident) and its all going to get better for you:) obviously they handled it well, and actually asked you for an advice on solution of this. Could have gone much worse, so actually things went really well - this day was about the most productive day in your career, otherwise you would need months/years just to break the ice. What you can do now is to suggest better solutions.

And I agree, each recession is an excuse to decrease the lowest sallaries, and every good period with profits is usually just an excuse to increase the highest sallaries. There should be laws governing these changes through time, cause this is now systemical.

Well thats probably cheaper, but you do get to explain your story in court, if you wish. But no matter what the citation is, you did cause it. Also court will probably bill you for the damage to the pole, if its damaged. In our country this can be signed by a judge but without a visit to the court.

She could've realized its a bad moment, try calling back and apologize, if they take the apology you'll have a little more intimate relationship with them:) Or get a new phone number, send it to your friend and act like they got the wrong number in the first place. Sounds like you need a new number, indeed.