HZD and Control proved that you do not need pure ray tracing or a loan to buy a pointless GPU.

Nvidia love to go whaling as per usual.

Meh.

OP I assume that mentally you are at a real low and just want all this to go away.

Sadly its not going to be like this. It could be time for a big reset in your life and to reinvent yourself as someone with clear boundaries, surrounded by people who genuinely care for your welfare. I don't know the full picture of course but it's not uncommon for people to lose their own social networks and support systems when in a dysfunctional relationship. By the time the relationship fails, people can be a pale shadow of themselves. Right now you may be far away from who you really are. The best version of you.

You are feeling guilt about phone snooping but considering the aporent warning signs you followed up on those and found out things you didn't want to. Under normal circumstances you could say phone snooping is a violation of trust but this all sounds anything but normal. Putting yourself in the "I'm a bad person" bucket makes no sense at all and you should not crucify yourself. It is utterly pointless and non constructive, especially given the other priorities.

For the sake of your own long term self respect and self esteem, get a lawyer, and just as importantly reach out to those friends and family you have who care about you. Put your trust in them and not reddit. Seeing a non-quack psychologist or therapist will do wonders for you.