Sounds like you’re spiraling bro. I’ve been there. The thing that helped me keep from drowning when I felt like I was going under, was to realize that these moments tend to ebb and flow. Today it feels like you’re under an ocean or despair that’s suffocating you and you feel like you’re never going to surface. In a few weeks though, or maybe even a few months or years, the exact same things are still painful, but don’t seem to drive you to the same depths they did before, and then randomly a few weeks go by and they’re overwhelming again.

Knowing that always let me know that, however bad I’m feeling in that moment in time, it’s just that, a moment in time. So tomorrow, or maybe the next day or the day after that, might be better. It gave me some semblance of perspective and helped me keep an eye on the proverbial shoreline so I can always keep my sanity back while the tides of despair had died down a little.

The hard part after that was figuring out how to do the hard work to slowly build yourself an emotional raft or boat, to fine the motivation to put in work and build something out of yourself but by bit, so that one day you can finally sail yourself to calmer waters and escape the cycle.

No one can really tell you how to do that though. It sucks, but even if someone gave you directions, it’s not like you they’ll mean anything to you while you’re lost in the seas of despair. As long as you keep doing treading water and as long as you keep building that boat of self improvement while the waters are calm, one day you’ll find yourself somewhere better.

Sounds like empty platitudes, but I’ve been where you’ve been and escaped, and so have many others. Best of luck.

>Friends don’t do that.

Eh… I can definitely see a case where OP is constantly pinning after their ex and complaining or moping about it to his friends, and they constantly tell him for his own sake to either cut her off or go for it, and eventually they’re just kind of sick of constantly hearing about the perpetual state of miserable limbo he’s keeping himself in—both because they care about him, and are also tried of him being a dumbass—and so they push him to do something drastic.

Pushing him to do it while he’s blackout drunk and she’s in a relationship is pretty awful, but I could see how a friend might actually think that their current situation is so toxic anyway, that anything is better than maintaining the status quo.

Are those good friends? Probably not, but I can tell you from similar situations and dynamics (both as a participant and an outside observer) that friendship’s are a two way street, and infinite patience and unconditional love and support is not—and should not be—a thing from anyone but maybe your parents.

I’ve had a couple of friends that were in similar situations and the first few months it’s easy to empathize and be completely supportive, but after a few years of trying to get them to do anything, you start to feel like the friendship is a one way street where everything always becomes about them and their issues, and like your own friendship dynamics is completely unhealthy and starting to become drain that’s negatively affecting you.

It’s not great for anyone involved, but sometimes that’s the reality.